Chapter 115 - Not Anger
12 min read ·
The battle began.
Ferda drew a magic circle above his hand.
Three magic circles manifested, floating at regular intervals.
"Lightning Bolt."
What he shot were lightning bullets.
The element boasting overwhelming speed was fired at Ferda's gesture, flying toward Lucy.
"A shallow trick."
Lucy was an experienced witch and a person who had fought countless battles.
She predicted that Ferda would use Lightning Bolt and blocked its path with vine stems.
BANG!
The arrows flying along the path landed a direct hit.
But that was not the end.
"Oho?"
She had blocked the Lightning Bolt, but what spread out from inside were masses of mana spheres with mass.
They scattered and ambushed Lucy.
"An interesting trick."
Lucy did not dodge.
They ruthlessly lodged into her body, but she didn't bat an eye.
"To think you could draw three magic spells without assistance and even apply them like this."
The technique Ferda showed was enough to surprise Lucy.
Because if a Blue Circle possessor showed such technique, they would have reached the 5th Circle by then.
"You only used the speed attribute necessary for Lightning Bolt. A method of putting small spheres inside a giant sphere. I certainly know there is a magic circle that makes that..."
She snapped her fingers as if she realized something.
"Don't tell me you did it manually?"
"You talk too much, pavilion master."
"Doesn't it mean I am just that relaxed?"
"That is true."
Words asking for a beating.
A black explosion erupted beneath Lucy, twisting the space.
Darkness, the strongest element among existing elements.
Dark Bolt had manifested beneath her.
Her head, which had a hole in it, was completely shattered by the Dark Bolt, and the Lucy Philiaz visible to the naked eye died instantly.
"Hahaha, impressive."
What could be heard was Lucy Philiaz's voice echoing throughout the entire garden.
The body that should have lost its vitality moved like a broken doll and took a step forward.
At that moment, the ruined flesh returned to normal as if nothing had ever happened.
"Using Barbatos's Shadow Art to catch the opponent off guard. It is a good strategy, but it lacks a little depth, child."
"Are you one to talk about depth?"
He wondered if that was something someone who forced a fight by attacking a mere 4th Circle Mage should say.
Instead of replying to his words, Lucy simply showed a joyful smile.
"Yes, try struggling to defeat me."
Lucy attacked Ferda by firing thorny tentacles, and Ferda, as a mage, lunged at her using various spells and means.
Ferda already knew.
No matter what he did, defeating Lucy was impossible.
Even feeling that they were somewhat evenly matched was just Lucy moderating her power to make him mistakenly think she was only slightly outperforming him.
"At this rate, there will be no end."
Lucy let out a long yawn as if she were bored.
"It seems my sincerity hasn't been properly felt, so I will tell you once more."
Lucy's aura burst forth strongly.
"If you lose here, I will violate your fiancée."
"You crazy bitch..."
A curse spat out of his mouth.
Seeing Ferda lose his composure, Lucy smiled in satisfaction.
"Child, do you know what it is like for a woman to violate a woman? It is on a whole different level from a man. I will turn her into a slave to pleasure in an instant. How about doing that to a dragon?"
Whether those words were true or not no longer mattered to Ferda.
He could not tolerate the insulting words coming out of that mouth.
Ferda changed his mindset.
He decided to fight with the resolve of exhausting his mana.
But even if he did that, Ferda could not beat her.
Even though he had killed Lucy once before, it was akin to throwing a raw egg at a rock.
Ferda already knew her objective.
'Drawing out my means.'
Every mage has their own hidden trump card.
Whether it is running away, landing a proper blow, or taking the enemy down with them.
Sometimes, there are things they keep so secret that they would rather lose their lives than reveal them.
What Lucy was doing was exactly drawing out those means.
She was breaking Ferda's beliefs and reason, provoking him to show everything he had.
And Ferda had to fall for it even though he knew.
Lucy's threat could not be taken lightly.
Even if it was a joke, if Ferda didn't show his true sincerity, even that joke would turn into reality.
Because that is what the witch kind is like.
He poured out everything, but Ferda ended up reaching the verge of mana exhaustion.
"Is that the end?"
Lucy, with her veil torn and one eye missing.
She was a complete mess, but as she took a step forward, she returned to her original state again.
Ferda let out ragged breaths and asked her.
"Are you satisfied?"
"Satisfied? Do you think I caused this mess just to be satisfied?"
Lucy sneered.
"I spoke so earnestly, yet it is truly a pity that my sincerity was not properly conveyed. Valdrova is indeed destined to become miserable."
Don't bring up my fiancée's name from that mouth.
He wanted to say that, but Ferda could not.
Having fought this much, all he felt was helplessness, and since she would be toyed with by someone's hands, how could he save her?
You cannot save anyone.
So, let's show them who you are.
Circuits spun inside Ferda's chest.
The sweet voice whispered like this.
Show her your true self.
"Shut up."
Ferda resisted the voice.
But it tried to encroach upon Ferda's mind through the cracks of his helplessness.
Once again, that pleasure of being consumed by hatred tried to violate Ferda.
Ferda made his choice faster than ever.
'Rather than submit.'
Ferda unfurled a magic circle.
'I would rather die.'
Where it aimed was his own chest.
"Dark Bolt."
The black sphere flew toward his heart.
SWOOSH!
However, what could be heard was the sound of it flying through the empty air.
Ferda's wrist was pointing toward the sky, and a tiny hand gripping that wrist came into view.
"... Doing something incomprehensible."
A girl with black hair and red eyes looked at him with a bewildered gaze.
Her ruby eyes and the faint scent of lilacs wafted from her.
It was the face of the pavilion master, which ordinary men would never be able to see even once.
He wondered why he could see that face.
A black veil fluttering behind her back.
The Dark Bolt had grazed past her head.
Ferda looked into her eyes and asked.
"Are you satisfied now, pavilion master?"
Ferda glared at her fiercely.
Because he was driven to the edge by mana exhaustion and mental resistance, he could not control his facial expression.
"That expression, at least, is truly satisfying."
She smiled a mature smile on a childlike face.
She placed her right hand on Ferda's chest.
Something flowed in through his heart.
The sense of exhaustion that induced migraines began to disappear.
She was filling up his lacking mana enough for Ferda's mind to become stable.
"I apologize for making you fight an unwanted battle. However, child, I needed to test you."
"What test are you talking about?"
"What is inside here."
She pointed to Ferda's heart.
"Didn't I say these two eyes see many things?"
"You did."
"Coincidentally, these eyes can see what makes up your mana. But I don't pay attention to it because it is usually an insignificant power. The one who shattered that thought is none other than you."
"What are you saying is in my heart?"
"Something alien."
"Something alien?"
"An object that does not suit the current you."
She added her words in a rather serious tone.
"But it is undeniably an object created by you. It is something that can never coexist with those of us who possess a Red Circle."
"Is that the reason you tested me?"
"Yes. I needed to corner you before you became aware of the reason."
It was a gesture indicating she had no other intentions besides that.
What could she actually want from Ferda, anyway?
Lucy Philiaz.
She was the master of the Rose Pavilion, the Big Sister to all witches, and the mage with the strongest power.
At the same time, she was an authority on the Red Circle.
For now, that alone was enough to be convincing.
"So, child, could you try telling me what it is?"
Ferda's lips could not part easily.
Even though he knew it was pointless to hide it since he had been caught in her trick.
Because it was a shameful secret that Ferda possessed.
"Do not tremble and speak. Aren't we practically a married couple already?"
"... What?"
Ferda put on a completely straight face.
Lucy grinned as she watched his reaction.
"Hahaha! You took off my veil, so isn't it like a groom seeing the bride's face?"
"Stop spouting bullshit."
"It is truly fun to tease you. You have a cute side."
She covered her smiling mouth with her hand.
Perhaps because of that, her eyes curving like waning moons shone mischievously.
"Since I've lightened the mood with a joke, answer me now."
He felt displeased, but the pressure from earlier was gone.
Just as she said, the mood had lightened.
"This is..."
Having killed his enemies,
Having killed his family,
Having killed his fiancée,
"My anger."
He felt as if he had become a penitent confessing his sins.
Hearing that answer, Lucy quietly looked at Ferda.
"Think again."
But her response was outside of Ferda's expectations.
"Why?"
"Why do you think? It is because it is not your anger."
No, it was anger.
Thinking back to the times that voice was heard, it was true.
When Luri was threatened and forced to submit,
And when he almost killed his father, Erembalt Rosnova, with his own hands, the voice had been heard.
If that wasn't anger, what was it?
"Think again. There must be something that made you mistakenly believe so."
Hearing those words, Ferda retraced his steps.
He discarded the answer he had already decided on and concentrated his senses like someone searching for a new answer.
He reflected on the time in his dream when he tried to kill Valdrova.
Ferda asked himself.
'Was the emotion at that time truly anger?'
No.
It was not.
What he gained by killing her was emptiness.
It was the emotion that had sent him back to the past.
If so, was it emptiness? He wondered, but that wasn't the answer either.
Following that clue, Ferda moved toward the answer.
Then, a surprising thing happened.
That thing, which couldn't be grasped at all even when he tried to capture it in his eyes, began to gradually take shape.
This emotion had existed even before his romantic feelings toward her.
That thing, which appealed its existence very faintly every time his heart beat.
Ferda finally called out its correct name.
"Regret."
Yes. It was regret.
This voice of anxiety was the regret that Ferda carried.
The pile of ashes left after burning everything on earth.
That pile of ashes had settled in a corner of his heart.
"So that's what it was."
Ferda could not ask.
Before he could, Lucy moved.
"Were those romantic feelings ultimately created through regret as well?"
Ferda nodded.
"I know. It is a disgusting thing."
"Hmm?"
Lucy raised one eyebrow and stared intently at Ferda.
"I don't know what kind of misunderstanding you have, but I do not think of it as disgusting, child."
"Your tone of voice didn't seem to imply that."
"It is your misunderstanding. What reason is there to be disgusted by it? If you didn't have such emotions, do you really think you would have been able to meet Valdrova?"
Ferda was able to answer immediately.
That it would absolutely never happen.
Ferda only properly learned about Valdrova after he killed her.
Until then, he condemned her, saying she was an Evil Dragon and deserved to die.
At the time of the expedition, he had cheered, claiming that with her death, the era of dragons would pass and the era of humans would come.
He had never once listened to that voice, but at this moment, it seemed to ring out cruelly vividly.
"Valdrova is truly a woman with a tragic fate. The good-hearted did not dare meet her, and she was surrounded by those filled with intentions to exploit her. She truly lacks luck with people."
"..."
"Moreover, she is unnecessarily fearful. The Aspect of Fire and Power. Despite having the martial prowess to tear apart all the demonic creatures swarming the far east, she never once asserted her authority, so she also brought misfortune upon herself."
Valdrova never once reigned over anyone.
The current noble politics was a situation filled with bastards who knew she protected the far east out of guilt and took advantage of it.
Her lack of asserting her authority and not looking after her own interests was the appearance of a coward afraid of trouble.
"She isn't fearful."
Ferda refuted her words almost immediately.
"If she isn't fearful, what is it?"
"The reason that woman acts like that is because she is stronger than anyone else."
But to Ferda, it was far from being 'fear'.
He was once the continent's worst mage.
The reason he could become so wasn't simply due to a desire for revenge.
Whenever he prepared for his endlessly continuing revenge, he always braced himself for surprise attacks.
He spent his days suffering from paranoia, sacrificing his sleep and surrounding himself with defensive barriers.
He was a demon of revenge, but at the same time, a coward.
He needed a means for certain victory, and if he lacked that means, he wouldn't hesitate to be cowardly.
Therefore, Ferda knew.
If she had been a coward, she would have reigned over someone.
And by doing so, she would have shattered even the sky above her head.
Lucy, who had been quietly watching him, opened her mouth.
"Head."
"?"
"Stick your head out here."
Ferda hesitated before sticking his head out toward her.
Then, Lucy stood on her tiptoes and tried to place her hand on Ferda's head.
"Hmm, this is still not enough. I have no choice."
Lucy pulled Ferda's body just like that and embraced his head.
She began to stroke him as if hugging a child.
"There, there."
"What is this..."
"Shh, be quiet. It is not good to ruin a nice mood."
Ferda couldn't even ask the reason for her unilateral actions.
"Child, you amuse me. It is a fresh youthfulness I haven't felt in a long time while conversing with a man."
After relishing it for about five minutes like that, she released his face.
"Isn't it only right to give a reward to a good child?"
Lucy's expression as she looked up was filled with joy.
"Those two emotions you hold will rather become a blessing."