Chapter 647 — Arc 9, Chapter 59 – “――No.”

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――I love you.

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――With a deep exhale, he pulled taut the bowstring of resolve deep within his heart.

???: [――――]

His exchange with those girls a moment prior, especially the consideration of Petra, caused an ache in his chest. Even Meili, with her insincere devilish attitude, and Flam, with her businesslike demeanor, seemed to worry about him in their own ways, and so with Beatrice at the forefront, this was a lineup of superb young ladies.

???: [As expected of the Lolimancer, I guess. Though, it seems like a dishonor for both sides.]

Regardless of how it had been when he had first been bestowed that title, Petra and the others would not stay young forever. So long as he was accompanied by the eternally youthful Beatrice, however, the day would never come that the person in question would be stripped of that alias. Of course, it would be a different story if he ever parted ways with Beatrice, but――,

???: [If only he could do such a thing, eh?]

In all likelihood, it would have made this plan considerably easier to execute.

In fact, with the exception of Beatrice, he had never encountered a Great Spirit of the Yin Attribute that was amicable to humans. He considered that to also be part of her design, but he could not speak for certain on the intentions of the Witch’s links, separate from the Witch whom he had known.

At any rate, as a specialist of the Yin Attribute, and considering her origins, there was a fear that Beatrice would be able to decipher an essential factor to the plan. And so, the timing was critical.

Beatrice was soul-bound to the target through a Contract, so he would have no choice but ensnare her in the forbidden art as well.

???: [――――]

As the sound of tension creaked, he could tell that the bowstring was being stretched tight.

Thus, he entered the Library of Taygeta, the vast floor packed full with bookshelves housing a tremendous quantity of books, a sight that would always overwhelm him no matter how many times he saw it―― and there did he witness.

???: [Murak.]

Receiving the full support of the Great Spirit, that man obtained the maximum effect of that brief incancation, and hopping on top of the tall bookshelf, he stealthily concealed a single volume.

???: [――――]

Even if he could tell it was a book from a distance, he could not discern just whose name was written upon its spine.

The Books of the Dead in that Library, aside from the titles, were all of the same appearance, with nary a distinction in their thickness. Upon consideration, it was a bit of a strange matter; there was no way that a child who succumbed to illness at the tender age of five, and someone who died peacefully at the age of one hundred after having lived a life full of ups and downs, would have books of the same thickness.

There was no doubt that this Library was a place that took advantage of Od Lagna’s properties, but it ought to have been the Witch who had made them manifest in the form of books.

In that case, why had the Witch gone out of her way to create a Library that was so difficult to comprehend?

???: [When you finally find that which you seek, you would not desire any excess noise, now would you?]

Vocalizing an utterance that the Witch herself seemed like she might have said, it sounded like it might have really been the right answer, filling him with unpleasant feelings.

To begin with, he wished to avoid recalling the Witch as much as he could. ――Ever since she died, he found himself recalling the Witch as if recoil from everything that occurred up to that point.

Witch: [――There is nobody who can defeat you, you whom I created.]

For a moment, he pondered. If this was a Library containing books that chronicled the lives of the deceased, then naturally, it stood to reason that the Witch’s book would also be somewhere around here.

Thus――,

???: [――Look at that, it is mine victory again.]

The voice to which he had plugged his ears, averted his eyes, and kept at a distance in rejection from his soul; the Book of the Dead of the voice’s owner, would also be located here.

???: […What do you mean it was your victory, Priscilla?]

In those unforgettable last moments, in those final minutes he had shared with her, she had worn that triumphant smile. The declaration of victory that had accompanied that smile, even now, he did not understand its meaning.

Even if he understood, it would not change a thing. After all, she was no longer among them. After one passed away, it would no longer be possible to exchange words or feelings with them.

But, even if it was purely a one-sided affair, this Great Library Pleiades made understanding possible.

???: […Am I an idiot? No, I’m definitely an idiot. Even though that sorta thing’s nothing more than a pretext.]

Everything was for the sake of the plan, a cover story to get that man and the others to console his heartbroken self, laying the groundwork for him to carry out what he had set out to do alongside the Witch, the plan he had once abandoned.

To think his heart would actually be swayed by that, it would be a tale far worse than going out for wool and coming home shorn.

Above all else――,

???: [Please, don’t save me.]

If he were to read her book, if he were to once again be scorched by the radiance of the sun he had failed to keep from setting, then just like the day he gave up on being a Following Star, he might waver once more.

The foolish star who did not deserve to be saved, would waver once more.

That was why――,

???: [――Your stars, were bad.]

Resigning himself to those words, he resumed his halted steps, and proceeded through the Library.

The singular book that had been stealthily hidden atop the bookshelf, although he had not seen the title of that book, he knew what name had been inscribed on its spine without even needing to see it.

If it was a Book of the Dead that man had hidden due to finding it inconvenient, there was only one title that it could have borne. ――And, finding one of those same books had been an essential puzzle piece for the enactment of this plan.

The two volumes he had wished to track down, those being the Books of the Dead belonging to himself, and to that man, had been found.

So, all that remained was the time for action――,

Man: [Good grief. It’s like I’m a mischievous kid who’s getting up to no good in the library…]

He slowly walked up behind the man who spoke these words as he scratched his head. The other party seemed unaware of his approach, and parting from the bookshelf where he had just hidden the book,

Man: [It’d be a problem if Ezzo-san, the very embodiment of a curious mind, were to find it… I mean, there’s also the possibility that a bunch of people come marching in here, so maybe I gotta dispose of them all? How many volumes in total would there――]

???: [――Dispose of what, bro?]

Man: [――Hk.]

As soon as he called out to the grumbling back, the other party’s shoulders jumped up in an exaggerated motion. Slowly, the man turned to face him, a faint stiffness strewn upon his countenance, making it obvious that he was feeling guilty about what he had done.

At the reaction of the other party, doing a clumsy job of hiding things, he deliberately made a grand motion of shrugging his shoulders,

???: [Oioi, you’re getting way too startled. I was just trying to make small talk.]

Man: […Yeah, sorry, sorry. Someone hearing you when you’re talking to yourself is actually pretty embarrassing, you know?]

???: [I get where you’re coming from with that, but I find it troubling that you’re making me out to be the bad guy ‘cause of that, yeah?]

Man: [The bad guy…]

Drawing back his chin as the other party inclined their head, he directed his attention to behind himself. Then, waddling over from that direction with lovely footsteps, approached Beatrice.

She wedged her small body in between him and the other party, and while puffing up her cheeks,

Beatrice: [Hey, you, don’t startle Subaru all of a sudden like that, in fact. Whenever Betty isn’t watching, Subaru has what’s known as a flea’s heart, I suppose.]

???: [A flea’s heart… really, bro does? I didn’t take him for that sorta guy, though.]

Man: [If that evaluation’s based on my boldness and audacity, I’ll gladly take it in stride, but what the hell did you see in me to make you think that way?]

???: [――Let’s see. Well, bro, I might actually know a lot more about you than you think, you know?]

Responding to the words of the man, who patted the head of Beatrice as she came to his defense, he took a moment to think before keeping it to a relatively harmless answer.

If he mentioned any further information than what he had brought up just now―― that was, the fact that he even knew about his inferiority complex and complicated crossroads with his parents before coming to this world, just what would he think?

Of course, he would never do anything so foolish. He had been urged by those impulsive feelings many times, but on those occasions, he would endure it by fiddling with the metal fixtures on his helmet.

A routine for when he went into deep thought, the metallic clank that warned him against forgetting about the plan.

Beatrice: [That is rather interesting, in fact. It is quite shameless to claim such knowledge about Subaru before Betty, I suppose. You are making light of the sweet relationship between Spirit and Contractor, in fact.]

???: [It’s precisely because it’s sweet. Good grief, sorry for getting in the way of your passionate honeymoon.]

As he clicked and clacked the joints of his helmet, Beatrice stood with her arms crossed, thoroughly offended. Shrugging his shoulders in an effort to not upset her, the other party awkwardly scratched his cheek,

Man: [Nah, don’t worry about it. Beako and I get all lovey-dovey whenever time allows it, and right now, well, see? We’ve gotta prioritize the Library, don’t we?]

???: [Thank you for accommodating me on everything, yeah? No, seriously, no joke, lemme thank you again. Even if it’s just three days, it must have been troublesome to set aside this time for me. Beako-chan, I’m sorry for bringing bro along with me. Thanks for coming with us.]

Beatrice: [Betty and Subaru are one, so it is a matter of course that we are together, I suppose. ――Also, Betty is not so benevolent as to repeat the same warning many times, I suppose. Correct it by yourself, in fact.]

???: [Gotcha, gotcha. ――She’s very kind, your kid.]

Man: [Ngh, yeah.]

The man gave a wry smile, struggling to get his words out, and Beatrice gently clasped his hand.

For some reason, the conversation was not quite bouncing along. Though it brought him no joy, he and the other party had good, responsive chemistry, and the tempo of their back-and-forth ball game of a conversation ought to have flowed smoothly. For it to have become this stilted, was perhaps because he had thought something inconvenient had been spotted. ――Perhaps, it was because he had concealed a book different from the one he had expected.

For instance, could it have been one of the two volumes he had envisioned just earlier?

Man: [Al… um, how are you feeling?]

???: [――. What kind of question is that, it’s like you’re the parent of an adolescent who’s struggling to get a grasp on a sense of distance… As you can see, no results just yet. I thought that it might be possible in three days, but man, I’m really at a loss with this number of books. It’s really on the level of finding a single needle dropped in a desert, isn’t it?]

Man: [――Hk, but, don’t give up man. Let’s search properly! I’ll also do my best to help!]

???: [Oioi, bro?]

Just when he thought that, the other party suddenly adopted a proactive position, taking him aback.

Time and time again, the other party had vowed unwavering sincerity towards him, proclaiming that he would be of help. Neither did he think that was a lie, nor did he find that aggravating in itself. ――After all, he had no expectations.

That which he had hoped for the most, that which he had wished the man to do, he had not done.

That was why――,

???: [Knock it off with the sentiments that muddy up exactly which one of us had wanted to come here in the first place. It wouldn’t make any sense if I’m not getting as enthusiastic as you, bro.]

Man: [Then do it. Let’s do it, as if it were a matter of life and death. For three days, we’ll give it everything we’ve got. Then…]

A tremble ran through that voice. ――Not his own, he heard the voice of the other party trembling.

He had far too much empathy, or perhaps, a wave that already ought to have passed had come crashing back in, stirring those emotions anew. The feelings of regret and lamentation, were things that man felt far more than the ordinary person. He knew that well.

Between himself and this man, they were the only two people throughout the entire world to possess it: the curse of their Authorities.

Merely, there was the man who could use it to save those whom he loved, and then there was his own self, unable to do the same.

Thus, so long as the man’s love was allowed to persist, it would eventually be born. ――The being that would bring about the world’s end.

In order to prevent that, at the very least, he would need to fulfill the duty of the Following Star――,

Beatrice: [――Subaru.]

Holding hands with the man who had cast his head down, his voice trembling, Beatrice quietly called his name.

The emotions filling that call were tranquil, and contrary to her cute appearance, there was a mystical solemnity that seemed to prove that she, too, was a Great Spirit who had lived for quite a long time.

Man: [――――]

At the address of the Great Spirit, the person in question held his breath, giving no response.

Witnessing that reaction, he fiddled again with the fixtures on his helmet, and decided. ――After another comment or two, finishing the verbal rally, he would begin.

As the other party had stated, they would be searching the Library in this Tower for a period of three days. The more of that time limit he depleted, the more his head would start to wander elsewhere. Ergo, he would take action before that could happen.

Man: [――Three days, is that not good enough?]

The man’s words, spoken as if wringing them out, sounded a bit desperate; was that perhaps a reflection that he was also getting a bit nervous? ――It made him think for a bit.

If he did find the Book of the Dead across a three-day search, and could fully glean the emotions that woman who was no longer among them had left behind in her final moments, what might happen?

He could say it with certainty. ――It would not change a thing.

These wounds would never be healed, and this pain would never fade. To begin with, he desired no such thing.

And so, in response to the question the other party had hurled his way, despite knowing that it would be a complete divergence from what he had actually been asked, he deliberately answered with the following:

???: [――Your stars, were bad.]

Even for himself, it was unclear whether he viewed those stars through a positive or negative gaze.

Present in this place were two stars, the Pleiades and Aldebaran―― nay, Subaru and Rigel, and as they faced off, it was unclear who was being condemned as at fault, and who was being consoled as having done nothing wrong, even for himself.

Aldebaran: [――――]

He had gotten far too emotional. He had also done a poor job in keeping the conversational rally going this time.

If he kept going like that, he would quite likely get drawn in and find himself uttering something that could be perceived as suspicious. He had already decided. He would do it on the next one, he had decided.

The other party who had fallen silent, the man who had been named for the stars, and bestowed the names of the stars, after he finished his next remark, it would commence. ――Passing Mana through his Gate, formulating the technique, he opened up the entryway for the forbidden art.

Then――,

Subaru: [――Al…]

Then, his eyes met with Natsuki Subaru’s, a face on the verge of tears.

Subaru: [――Ol Shamak.]

An incantation, one not of his own. ――He understood.

Once again, in the battle he had needed to win no matter what, Aldebaran had been defeated.

???: [――Look at that, it is mine victory again.]

Alongside the triumphant smile of the lovely woman he could never get back, he heard her voice. ――The next instant, the world of Aldebaran cut to black.

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???: [――Natsuki-dono, while it may not serve as any comfort, your fears were not misplaced. He had been kneading Mana, formulating a technique. A single slip up, and you likely would have found yourselves in completely opposite positions. I fully support your judgement as having been the best course of action.]

Having stood witness over the entire affair, the words of the dwarf―― of Ezzo Cadner, served as no consolation to Subaru’s heart whatsoever, just as he had said.

Was there really no other way to settle things without anyone getting hurt?

???: [Captain, my amazin’ self doesn’t really get it. ‘S just, ‘s just…!  Even tho’ I don’t understand anythin’, my amazin’ self can just say this…! I’m so happy you’re safe, Captain!]

Just like Ezzo, tasked with monitoring the situation, the one who was like a younger brother to him expressed his feelings of frustration as he embraced Subaru’s shoulders with his burly arms and straightforward words.

And, he was not the only one nestling close to Subaru,

Beatrice: [Subaru, you made a decision, I suppose… Even though Betty could have taken it all on for you, you still got yourself hurt like a fool, in fact.]

Subaru: [Beatrice…]

Beatrice: [But, Betty and Subaru performed that forbidden art together, I suppose. Subaru prepared the technique, Betty formulated the spell, Subaru performed the incantation, and Betty passed the Mana through. Hence, Betty will take on half, in fact. It would be unfair for you to carry too much on your back, I suppose.]

Subaru: [――Hk.]

With his teeth clenched firmly, what Subaru tightly clutched in his right hand, so tight that his fingers did not seem like they would ever open up, was a black orb that his own inadequacy had left him with no choice but to enact.

――With no other means to stop him, it was the magic orb in which he had imprisoned Al.

Subaru: [――Sorry. There’s somewhere… I need to go.]

Deep within his chest, feeling a sensation as if all the organs in his body were trembling, Subaru got up from his knees, and slowly exited the Library of Taygeta.

Holding hands with Beatrice, and accompanied by the worried Garfiel and Ezzo, Subaru reprimanded his legs that were on the verge of collapsing, proceeding down the corridor until he reached the room he had set out for.

Then――,

???: [O~h? Onii-san, what’s the ma~tter? How’s the search in the library~?]

Seeing Subaru as he appeared in the entrance, both Meili, resting on a barrel in a corner of the room, and the small crimson scorpion, seated on her hair, inclined their heads in unison.

The sight of her safe and sound, acting in her usual cheeky manner, was something that struck his heart, but more than that――,

???: [――Subaru, what’s the matter? Did you forget something?]

Hearing Meili’s voice, the girl who had been facing the other way turned to his direction. Using a cooking utensil with a magic stone to stir the pot, she blinked her round eyes as they reflected Subaru.

Subaru: [――Ah.]

Laying his eyes upon that girl, Subaru’s body and soul reflexively tensed up.

After seeming a bit puzzled for a moment, she immediately stretched out her folded legs and asked “Subaru?”. Then, facing Subaru directly as he walked forward with unsteady, tottering steps,

Girl: [Beatrice-chan, did something happen? For some reason, Subaru is…]

Beatrice: [Something did happen, I suppose. But, Betty shall not say what, in fact… Merely, it seems like he had an overwhelming urge to see Petra right now, I suppose.]

Girl: [Me?]

Confused, the girl―― Petra, wore a look of surprise at Beatrice’s answer. Seeing those abundant changes in facial expression up close, the tension in Subaru’s cheeks slowly dissipated.

As Meili sighed a meaningful “Hm~mm?” behind him, Subaru gazed at Petra head-on, and after a moment of hesitation,

Subaru: [Petra, this is gonna sound strange, but… can I hug you?]

Petra: [――. Well, you can hug me without even needing to ask. Ah, actually, you shouldn’t do that. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound and seem like it’s going to bur―― st .]

As Petra smiled mischievously, before she could finish giving her gentle reply, Subaru reached his arms out and pulled her body close, embracing her within his chest.

Petra: [Um, uhh…]

At the sudden embrace, Petra could not hide her confusion. For a girl who, before he had even realized, was rapidly gaining nerves of steel, becoming better and better at not being shaken by anything, this was a clear discomposure to the point of being unusual.

But, there was not a single person here who would make fun of that fact.

After all――,

Petra: [Hey, Subaru, are you okay?]

A hand reached out from within his chest, softly caressing Subaru’s cheek.

At the question of the girl right before his eyes, so close that they could feel each other’s breaths, a distance where even the beating of their hearts collided, Subaru swallowed his breath, and forced a smile.

Subaru: [Of course――]

I’m okay. After all, he had to have been. After all, Petra was here, doing so well like this.

And it was not just Petra. Beatrice, Garfiel, Meili, Ezzo, and Flam; they were all unharmed. Everyone in the Tower, everyone who did not come to the Tower; they were all safe.

Everything bad that had transpired, all of it had been made to have never happened.

Of course, it was not as though he knew everything that had occurred, and he also knew that not all of it had been bad.

There had been confrontation and reconciliation, there had been betrayal and fellowship, there had been curses and vows, there had been hatred and love―― there had been Aldebaran and Natsuki Subaru.

Subaru: [――Maybe, I’m not okay.]

While embracing Petra, he caught a glimpse of the magic orb still clenched in his hand, spilling that murmur.

Then, the feeble sound that had escaped his lips as a murmur, did not end as merely a stilted voice. Little by little, his feelings morphed into tears, flowing out from the corners of his eyes.

Subaru: [――No.]

By puffing out his chest and declaring that he was okay, he had wished to repay Petra and the others, who had deemed it acceptable to force Subaru’s Return by Death, undoing many irreversible things in exchange for a world left behind.

He could not bring himself to do it. In sorrow and lament, with his own pathetic inadequacy, he could not puff out his chest.

Subaru: [I’m not, okay… hk.]

To Petra, who had offered up so much as compensation; to Rem, who ought to have regained everything; to Emilia, who never gave up on trying to converse with Al up to the bitter end; to Beatrice, who had deciphered the mechanisms of the forbidden art while sealed together with him, giving Subaru a trump card when he Returned by Death; to all the people who had participated in that battle, both those who Subaru knew and those who he did not; to absolutely everyone.

And finally, to Al, whom he had failed to get the chance to properly talk to――,

Subaru: [I’m sor――]

Petra: [――Subaru!!]

Suddenly, a sharp, loud voice cut off the apology he had been on the cusp of vocalizing.

It was the voice of Petra, looking up at Subaru from within his chest after having held her tongue. When he noticed that her round eyes were flickering with a storm of emotion, tears began to stream down Subaru’s face, and as she caressed it with her hands,

Petra: [You finally said it. You finally said that you aren’t okay.]

Subaru: [――Ah.]

Petra: [There’s no need to be so afraid. You don’t have to carry everything on your own. Right, Beatrice-chan?]

Beatrice: […A matter of course, in fact. Betty is Subaru’s partner, I suppose.]

Encouraged by Petra, Beatrice tightly hugged Subaru’s body. As Subaru was bewildered by the warmth of the two girls, Petra continued to smile,

Petra: [Meili-chan.]

Meili: [Ehh? I’d rather no~t. Petra-chan and Beatrice-chan should be enough…]

Petra: [Meili-chan.]

Meili: […Fi~ne.]

Hopping down from the barrel, Meili walked up next to Subaru with a sulky face while emitting an air of half-heartedness, lightly tugging on the hem of his clothes. As if in place of its master, the small crimson scorpion leapt off of her hair and onto Subaru’s shoulder, nestling its body close to his cheek.

Petra: [Garf-san.]

Garfiel: [Yeah! Captain!]

Subaru: [Gwohh!?]

A huge amount of force crashed into his back as if it had been waiting, causing him to reflexively raise a cry of pain. Desperately holding his ground to avoid tipping over and crushing Petra, he endured it. He had endured it, but――,

Petra: [Ezzo-san, Flam-chan, will you join us as well?]

Ezzo: [I am an outsider, so I shall refrain. Still, I stand by Natsuki-dono.]

Flam: [I only just arrived here, and have yet to fully process the situation, but… understood.]

The presence that only arrived later, without hesitation, nestled close near his right hip.

Now, in every direction, he was being completely embraced without any escape―― swarmed by such warmth, Subaru unwittingly exhaled a “Hah”.

Subaru: [What’s up with this?]

From an outside perspective―― in reality, Ezzo was looking on as a bystander, so from his perspective, just how foolish must Subaru and the others have looked in their current state?

With everyone all clumped together like this, it must have looked stupid.

Petra: [It’s fine. After all, the one who told me that I’m an idiot was none other than Subaru.]

Subaru: [Did I really say such a thing?]

Petra: [You did.]

Subaru: […Among all the people I know, there’s probably not a single person smarter than you, Petra.]

He truly believed that. Surely, that was the case. And so, it was obvious to her, clever as she was. Amazing. This was what it truly meant to be wise. There was a big difference from someone like Abel, who was just a clever idiot.

Subaru: [I’ve decided.]

His face was still covered in tears, he was still stuck in place being embraced by everyone’s kindness from all directions, and he had just admitted that he was not okay in the slightest, but he had made up his mind.

Subaru: [Al, it seems like you hated me so much that you could never forgive me, but…]

He did not know the true reason behind that. Only, he would not let things end without finding out.

So much had been on the verge of ending, but thanks to the determination of many people, unwilling to allow that ending, it had been averted; hence, although he was not okay whatsoever, Natsuki Subaru had decided.

That was――,

Subaru: [――I, no matter what, will definitely save you too.]

Even if he had committed abhorrent deeds that would have made him the enemy of the world, everything, both the good and the bad, had been made to have never happened by means of Return by Death; thus, that was Natsuki Subaru’s vow.

And, hearing that vow of Natsuki Subaru’s, Petra Leyte gave a satisfied nod,

Petra: [That’s my Subaru.]

――Indeed, the girl, who had not become the Witch of Tristitia, smiled.