Chapter 73 - Common Sense for Academy Festivals (3)

["Do not... do not mourn those who went before us."]

["Your Majesty."]

["I too, and someday you as well... will stand in their ranks."]

["Your Majesty, please."]

["I have been a hypocrite all my life. Live as one yourself. If enough lies accumulate, might they not someday reach the truth? Live. Live and carry on my hypocrisy. Will you promise me?"]

["Yes, Your Majesty. I swear it. I shall do so without fail."]

["That is enough."]

Ivan steadied his breathing for a moment, then opened his eyes. Sunlight streamed in. Sitting up on the sofa, he rubbed his face to settle his turbulent emotions.

The same old nightmare. Another ordinary day. Contrary to his hopes, even the ceiling remained as familiar as ever.

He calmly tidied his surroundings, made himself presentable, and dressed before leaving the director's office.

It was the morning of the festival.

* * *

The main gate into St. Jansk University was packed with an enormous crowd: street vendors, local sightseers, foreign tourists, excited students, and their friends and acquaintances.

Only four years had passed since the war ended. In a country with little in the way of festivals, this was one of the few held on an international scale. It was hardly strange that the citizens were excited.

Ivan scanned his surroundings as he crossed through the crowd. Even amid this crush of people, he performed the remarkable feat of passing straight through without so much as brushing anyone's clothing.

It was a basic movement technique, nothing particularly difficult. Before long, he reached the square where the Great King's statue stood, on the campus where festivities were already in full swing.

Three people were passing the time, checking a watch, looking around the streets, or simply standing in a daze.

Their appointed meeting time was surely still twenty minutes away.

Ivan briefly tilted his head. He had come early to identify any potential threats, but he had not expected his charges to move so promptly.

These delinquents were often late even to classes that began at the same time every week, yet here they were, being so conscientious. Had they finally matured?

In any case, it was hardly a bad thing. He already had a feeling this escort mission would be easier than expected.

"Oh, mister! You're here!"

Isabelle came running, waving vigorously. With a radiant smile, she hurried up and tugged at his arm as naturally as could be.

Her tight-fitting outfit looked needlessly difficult to move in. It was hardly attire that deserved a passing grade on a Knight Department student. One might wear it in Thilles, where the weather was mild year-round, and even then only on very special occasions.

"Wait, you wore work clothes today too? Honestly, I know you're a secret agent, but don't civil servants in this country get time off? They make you work even on a day like this?"

"Time off?"

"Yes! Goodness, this country must be insane. Do they even forbid civil servants from g-getting married?"

"No."

Quite the opposite: Krasilof had consistently pursued policies encouraging marriage and childbirth. The last war had severely damaged the foundations of the state.

He could not understand why marriage had suddenly entered the conversation, but there was no reason to leave a foreigner with such a misconception. Ivan gave a brief shake of his head.

"Is there anything you want to do, mister? I had a quick look around on my way here, and there's something over there that's just perfect for you..."

"Isabelle?"

As Isabelle chattered away, Esidisi, who had been absently watching the crowd in front of the statue, approached with light steps.

"What are you doing with Uncle?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, you were just having a chat. Right, you did say he was teaching you various things. Well, if you're finished, could I borrow him for a while?"

"... Huh?"

"Huh?"

As the two stared blankly at each other, another arrival.

An elf who had only just noticed them approached.

"Sir Petrovich, you're early. Such unhuman faithfulness and diligence truly ought to be an example to everyone. I haven't been waiting very long myself, so please don't worry."

"Huh?"

"Huh...?"

Two humans and one elf. Once again, the three regarded one another in silence.

"Sorry, girls, but I made plans with my mister today."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Uncle said he didn't have any particular plans today. Oh, I know what this is. This is how people talk in Thilles, right? Just insist you're right, that sort of thing."

"Humans never cease to amaze me. Racism comes so naturally to you that I can hardly call you uncivilized anymore. Mr. Ivan, you'll catch human. Come over here."

"He's human too, you know?"

"Surely only humans would confuse a chicken with a phoenix simply because both are birds? They have different scientific names."

"He has the same scientific name too...?"

Meanwhile, Ivan surveyed the surroundings. Plenty of people were looking their way, but the crowd's armament situation was satisfactory.

The warm weather meant lighter clothing, leaving little room to conceal weapons. At most, someone could hide a dagger or pistol, and he could readily spot those simply by observing how they walked.

Even if someone attempted a subtler ambush, the easier a weapon was to conceal, the less powerful it tended to be. Relieved, Ivan judged this mission likely to be far easier than he had first expected.

'Competent this time.'

He had heard that Counterintelligence Command was stationed nearby and controlling access. Fortunately, they seemed to be performing competently enough this time.

But it was too early to relax. An academy festival was an event that heralded murders and terrorist attacks, ambushes and massacres, and full-scale demon invasions.

Accordingly, Ivan made certain he was fully prepared, remaining conscious of the throwing knives hidden in his sleeves and the pistol tucked at an angle behind his waist.

Act with common sense, and in most cases nothing would go wrong. That was why common sense mattered.

Sadly, unable to read his thoughts, the other three cried out in despair at this utterly nonsensical situation.

* * *

"Have you actually lost your mind, mister? Tell me. What on earth were you thinking... No, never mind. Don't tell me. I think I'd burst from sheer frustration."

"Hmm."

"Aaaaaagh!!"

Isabelle pounded her chest and screamed. Only after squawking for a good while did she heave a deep sigh and mutter,

"Right. It's my fault for expecting anything in the first place. Most of the blame is mine. Yes. I'm a truly awful bitch. I might as well teach a golem to love. At least that has a chance of working."

She looked at Ivan with sorrowful eyes, then slowly shook her head and turned away.

"So, does anyone here know what first in, first out means? I think something like first come, first served ought to apply in this situation."

"Is that how you do things in Thilles? Hmm, in Droan we usually settle things by force. Foreign cultures are so difficult. Shall we take this opportunity for a little cultural exchange?"

"By force...? Think you can take me?"

"Oh, Isabelle. I didn't fail to get into the Knight Department. I chose not to. Unlike you, I'm also talented with an instrument. Someone told me I should learn."

With that, Esidisi gave Ivan a warm look.

Being a reasonable man, Ivan had no intention of intervening in a petty dispute between university students. His mission was to protect the Hero's Party's children from external enemies, not mediate an emotional quarrel of unknown origin.

Students that age always grew closer by fighting with each other. That was how it worked.

"How very human of you. Utterly adorable. Now, Sir Petrovich, shall we go take a look over there?"

"Wow, this elf just keeps on being an elf. Should I actually draw my sword? I'm sorry, Dad! Today I'll stain my blade with human blood instead of demon blood!!"

"Goodness, you brought a sword to the festival? This is why I say people from Thilles are sneaky."

"Open your instrument case. I heard all about you going around cracking our students' heads with that violin!!"

"Mm, Esidisi the Truthful knows nothing about that. My Fiddle isn't a weapon."

A little chaotic.

Ivan considered shutting off his hearing. The festival crowd already made the campus noisy enough that hearing was not particularly useful here anyway.

"Girls, let's just take turns. Me first, then Esidisi in the afternoon. The elf until evening. Then me at night. How's that?"

"Shall we settle this cleanly with a duel?"

"I'm here on official business. Would the civilians kindly step aside?"

That was difficult to let pass.

Ivan briefly shook his head. Why scatter the charges he had gone to the trouble of gathering together?

Such was the utter lack of common sense among the people of this world.

"We all move together."

"... Have you actually gone insane, mister?"

"Uh... Uncle, even I think that's a bit..."

He was thoroughly accustomed to bringing squawking children to order. This was hardly any different from the orphanage children during class.

Assuming the firm, stern demeanor of an orphanage director, Ivan declared,

"Everyone, line up. Now, we'll handle every suggestion fairly, one at a time, in the order they were made. Then there'll be nothing to fight over. Isabelle, you lead the way."

"This can't be real..."

Isabelle stared at him in bewilderment, looked up at the sky, then bowed her head deeply and rubbed her face.

"Go on."

"I'm seriously losing it. How can he be so brazen? He's going to seduce three girls fifteen years younger than him at once? What a... what a shameless..."

Grumbling, Isabelle set off ahead.

* * *

The only thing that came to mind at the mention of a university festival was drinking stalls, but that was the fault of twenty-first-century South Korea's narrow culture.

This case was different: a university festival had served as a pretext for developing a community-wide celebration. A curious blend of an apartment-complex bazaar and a festival to promote local small businesses, the event offered every conceivable thing one might expect at a "festival."

A prime example was the place Isabelle had brought them.

BANG!!

"Ooh, just missed! Well, you hit four, so here's your stuffed toy!"

It was a pistol-shooting booth with small targets.

Surprisingly, it used live ammunition, but there was nothing strange about that. For one thing, this world had no concept of air guns. For another, society tended to look down on guns because they were weapons incapable of bringing down a superhuman.

Besides, even if someone picked up a gun and tried to shoot civilians, the proprietor could stop them the instant they turned the muzzle. He was a superhuman himself.

Any superhuman beyond his ability to stop could commit mass murder without firing a gun in the first place. There was no need to use such a noisy, conspicuous weapon.

Thus, despite using live ammunition, this booth could be called safer than any other stall. This world had no food-safety regulations, leaving food poisoning rampant, but it did have Counterintelligence Command agents responsible for firearms safety at the festival.

"Let's give that a try."

Smiling brightly, Isabelle scampered over. She knew Ivan was good with a pistol, but she wanted to take this opportunity to show him that she had been practicing too.

Simply showing a shooting expert how hard she had worked would score major points. It was also something Esidisi and Elpihera could never even dream of doing. Had either of them ever held a pistol?

Political skill that casually secured another chance to pull ahead under the pretext of enjoying the festival. Such was the fearsome political monster forged by ten years in the Thilles court.

"Oh, sir?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you... Uh, you're going to play?"

The shooting booth's proprietor was staring at Ivan in consternation.

"What are you doing here?"

"As you can see... Hmm. Undercover... duty?"

"Excellent."

Dmitry picked up a pistol and hesitantly offered it to him.

Of course. Undercover duty. With loaded pistols everywhere, responding to an emergency would be easy. And even if he carried a pistol around, everyone nearby would regard it as an ordinary festival stall. Perfectly natural.

Competent.

Ivan nodded in satisfaction.

Perhaps the festival really could end without incident. Astonishing, for an academy festival.

Come to think of it, wasn't this a world without bizarre events like interdepartmental duels? Nor did it have incomprehensible goodwill events that forced elementary-school children into races to steal dragon eggs.

Perhaps terrorist attacks at festivals, a fixture of academy "common sense," were warnings against such dangerous events. Perhaps they existed to spread the lesson that educational institutions should not gamble with students' lives.

If so, good. There ought to be wholesome festivals like this too.

Ivan allowed himself to relax a little.

He should not have. It was "common sense," after all, that academy events always blew up spectacularly.