Chapter 58 - Return and Change (1)

The war veterans came over and asked me all sorts of questions. Apparently even Aki knew Jin Silver. They rushed up from the subway, bombarded me with questions, then sprang into action.

Iho and Walker, who didn't know Jin Silver, were left beside me. The other four—Green, Tvein, Aki, and Ami—disappeared into the subway to search for him.

That left three of us on the deserted road. Iho took his eyes off his seniors as they vanished from view and looked at me.

“Hilde.”

“Yes?”

What is it?

I looked up and met Iho's eyes as he approached. Looking troubled, he walked over and sank down beside me. Letting both arms hang loosely, he looked me over.

“Sorry.”

“Pardon?”

Why the sudden apology? Oh, was this like Ami's?

I studied his face, trying to work out exactly what he meant. Looking as tired as ever, he didn't avert his eyes.

“I got angry with you.”

“... You did?”

“You know, when we found out about that thing you do.”

Oh, he meant what happened inside the safe point.

It felt so long ago. No, I'd actually forgotten it had happened. Barely keeping my eyelids from falling shut, I shook my head.

“That was a perfectly natural reaction.”

“It wasn't your fault.”

“You were angry because I'd kept it from you, weren't you? I'd have been angry in your position too, sir.”

“It's not like you kept quiet because you didn't feel like telling us.”

Iho sighed and rubbed his neck.

“You couldn't tell us.”

I didn't know how to respond, so I said nothing. Walker had come to stand beside Iho at some point and was listening quietly with his arms crossed. Watching my seniors, I thought back over what had happened at the safe point.

The horde of creatures that had attacked the military vehicle. The besieged safe point. The enormous, two-story creature that had followed me relentlessly.

I'd have been angry too.

They hadn't known my circumstances. It wasn't some trivial detail I'd kept from them. Their lives were at stake. It wasn't something they could easily brush aside.

I was about to tell him his reaction was only natural, but Iho waved a hand.

“I was in the wrong, so just accept the apology. Besides, you were the one who first told Ami you should let us know, weren't you?”

“Wouldn't I be a completely hopeless screwup if I hadn't even suggested that?”

“See? I was petty about the whole thing.”

He let out a long breath. No more sounds came from the hole in the ground. Perhaps it was the wind biting into my skin, but I felt strangely chilled. I was cold and sleepy. All I wanted was to crawl under the covers in the dorms inside the core and sleep.

As I blinked drowsily, Iho spoke again.

“And hey.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Don't do that again.”

“Pardon?”

Do what?

I opened my eyes a little wider, and Iho's brow furrowed.

“You fell instead of me.”

Oh.

Right. I'd forgotten that too. What had happened at the gorge now felt as distant as my sparring with Yun. Besides, I hadn't fallen in Iho's place. The creature had been after me, not him.

I didn't have the energy to explain it all, so I was just going to say, “It happened because of me. What else was I supposed to do?” But the look in his eyes made me swallow those words. Looking into his troubled eyes, I nodded.

“I'll try.”

“Good. Please do. I hear you make a habit of this.”

“Huh?”

When have I ever?

At my bewildered expression, Iho heaved a heavy sigh. What was with that reaction, as though he had plenty to say but was holding it back? Even Walker, who had been listening quietly beside him, gave a little snort.

What?

I'm not the sort of junior who rushes headlong into danger, am I? I'd thought I'd followed orders quite obediently ever since we left the core. I'd followed them meekly, thoroughly cowed.

Feeling wronged, I protested.

“I'm very fond of myself, sir.”

“Oh, are you now.”

“... I mean it.”

“Did you cut through the pillar down in the subway?”

Walker abruptly joined the conversation after merely listening.

I barely managed to lift my drooping eyelids and look at the dilapidated road. Then I slowly nodded. I didn't want to sleep until the seniors who'd gone down into the subway returned. I was grateful these two kept talking to me. Without the conversation, I would have passed out long ago.

My whole body seemed to smell of blood.

I answered sluggishly.

“Yes. I misjudged how much force to use.”

“Who taught you swordsmanship?”

“My training officer.”

“I don't think so.”

I couldn't understand his certainty. Moving only my eyes, I met Walker's downward gaze. In contrast to his bulky body, his eyes always gleamed sharply.

His presence imposing even as he simply stood there, he pointed out,

“Yun doesn't use a heavy sword like you do. He likes things practical. He might spar with you and give you feedback, but you couldn't have learned all your swordsmanship from him.”

“... That's a very valid point.”

“Who taught you? If you're self-taught, how did you learn?”

I couldn't remember.

Encountering a creature that called me a traitor, remembering the name and face of someone called Kyle, learning I wasn't human—none of that meant all my memories had returned. No lie could adequately fill the holes in my past. It was an absence I couldn't explain.

Even lying was too much effort now.

Looking out at the open horizon, I silently apologized to Yehyeon.

“I don't remember.”

“What?”

“I have almost no memories from before I became a Badger.”

I could feel Iho and Walker staring at me. Unable to meet their eyes, I murmured almost to myself.

“My name was about all I remembered.”

“... What, seriously? What's wrong with you? You must have been to a hospital.”

“Yes. They couldn't find anything particularly wrong with my brain.”

“So it wasn't that you hadn't gotten a license. You couldn't remember whether you'd gotten one.”

Walker's observation was sharp. He was intelligent in all sorts of ways. He barely spoke, but every word went straight to the heart of the matter. He had apparently been a fixer in the underworld, after all.

I answered with a nod.

Commander, how could you pair me with someone this perceptive and expect me to keep an impossible secret? Not that I was in any position to complain after giving part of it away.

Anyway, it was cold. It seemed to be getting colder.

While my seniors mulled over what I'd told them, I shivered and curled into a ball.

I heard Iho's voice.

“What's wrong?”

Hugging my knees, I turned to look at him.

“I'm cold.”

“Cold?”

His eyes widened.

“You're cold? Right now?”

“Yes.”

Was it just me?

Apparently so, judging by how Iho and Walker's expressions abruptly hardened as they rushed over. I watched blankly as they suddenly checked my pulse and inspected the body Ami had treated.

They were saying something to me, but I couldn't quite make it out.

God, I was so sleepy. Was it because I'd been on edge for so long? I could barely keep my eyes open... And I couldn't understand a word they were saying.

I really needed a little sleep.

Just five minutes...

* * *

I saw a white ceiling.

“Hilde...”

A hand pressed me down as I tried to bolt upright.

“You just aren't satisfied until every mission lands you in the hospital, are you?”

“You're awake?”

A low, dry voice reached my ears.

“You're hard to kill. Good work.”

“Yun! How can you talk to Hilde like that!”

“What's wrong? I was complimenting him.”

“All these decades, and your manners haven't changed a bit.”

“Samuel! The patient's awake!”

It was overwhelming.

Sensations flooded in, leaving me dizzy for a while. The light pouring over my eyelids was harsh. Blurry black shapes stood in my hazy vision. Shadows bustled to and fro.

I blinked for a long time, trying to make them out.

The murmur of conversation. The rattle of IV-stand wheels and the distinctive, pungent smell of a hospital. Only after I'd taken in the surroundings flooding my senses did I register the people around me, gathered around the bed and peering down.

Richard Green, Ami, Iho Chang. Three familiar faces I'd seen before closing my eyes. They stood at the foot of the bed, looking down at me. When I narrowed my eyes, their faces came into focus.

There were two more familiar faces. Riccardo, smiling with his sharp green eyes curved in a menacing grin. Choi Yun, watching me with eyes as cold as a reptile's.

Every gaze trained on me was intense.

Faced with that disconcerting sight, I sucked in a breath. Still inhaling, I said,

“This is a little much.”

“Deal with it,” Iho answered wearily.

“Be grateful senior leadership and the head of HR aren't here too.”

What a terrifying thought.

I pushed myself up on my elbows. My field of vision widened, and I naturally took stock of my surroundings. This was the hospital at headquarters. The Badger headquarters I'd been forcibly expelled from because of Jaeyeon. Where my memories began, and where difficult superiors and eccentric scientists resided.

At last.

I was back somewhere I could pay to eat food other people made.

Looking at the modern conveniences all around me, I breathed a sigh.

“Civilization...”

“Ah... Did he hit his head?”

“Get a grip. You haven't been discharged yet.”

Yun made his point beside Riccardo, who was questioning my intelligence. As cold and expressionless as ever, he added,

“You don't even have a discharge date. Just give up any hope of getting out.”

“Thank you for your invaluable advice yet again, sir.”

“You're welcome.”

Yun accepted my thanks shamelessly.

“Glad you haven't gotten as much stupider as I'd feared.”

“I'm touched you thought my intelligence had any room left to fall.”

People laughed.

I blinked at my seniors' smiles. Iho grinned, showing his even teeth, while Riccardo wore his usual menacing, roguish smile. I wasn't quite sure why they were smiling, but it wasn't unusual for those two, so I could let that pass.

It was rather surprising, though, that even Richard Green had chuckled.

The smile didn't last long on the man said to be as unyielding as steel. He quickly composed himself and looked straight at me.

“Hildebert.”

“Yes.”

When I answered without averting my gaze, the man with white threaded through his hair regarded me with burning eyes.

“Good work.”

Thank you.

Though I wasn't sure what I'd done. All I remembered was causing everyone trouble and barely escaping with my life thanks to my seniors.

Still, I bowed my head at the stern senior's words of encouragement. I was happy to receive them. Whatever else had happened, it was good to be back at headquarters. And since I'd passed out along the way, I'd had an easy time of what must have been an arduous journey home.

Some of my memories had returned, and I'd recalled much of my forgotten swordsmanship. I didn't know why I'd passed out, but nothing hurt seriously at the moment. I'd caused an enormous amount of trouble, but this wasn't the worst possible outcome...

Oh.

Wait.

“Ma'am.”

I raised my head and called to Ami. She met my eyes quietly. After gazing into her steady eyes for a long moment, I asked in a near whisper,

“What about Jin Silver...?”