Chapter 24 - Water (2)

I had finished all the preparations for piping in river water, but there were still problems to solve.

First, I had to somehow avoid the golden frogs. That was the biggest hurdle. The bastards sprang out the instant I put a hand in the water, which made them a real headache.

Second was the river’s depth. It was deep enough to swallow more than half my arm, meaning anchoring the equipment with rocks would be difficult. I checked the supplies the dwarf had given me.

'I just need to cover this with mesh and connect it to the hose...’

I looked back and forth between the gleaming funnel and the mesh that went over it. Connecting the funnel to the hose was simple enough. Securing it in place was the hard part.

'Do I have to dig out a little spot with the shovel?’

That seemed to be my only option. I left the equipment by the river and went to fetch my shovel.

Fortunately, I didn’t encounter any dangerous animals on the round trip. The pack of mad dogs had died long ago, and the owlbear had recently been shipped off to the auction house. I probably wouldn’t run into any major predators for a while.

Besides, bugs like ticks scared me more than predators did.

SHHHHHH

With the shovel here, everything was ready. I watched the swift current of the river—or stream—for a moment, then got moving. First, I took the shovel and carefully began digging along the bank.

THUNK! THUNK!

Fortunately, no frogs jumped out. Still, just in case, I made sure to pause every so often and check my surroundings.

GUSH GUSH

At last, I had a space large enough for the funnel. I even arranged rocks around the spot I’d dug out to strengthen the flow. With the current suitably strong, all that remained was connecting the hose. I covered the funnel with mesh and attached it.

I secured the connection tightly with steel ties rather than plastic cable ties. Since plastic hadn’t been invented in this world yet, they apparently used steel instead.

'But wouldn’t these be hard to make too?’

The hose was made of natural rubber, so of course it was expensive. But these steel ties looked like they would cost even more.

'Is it because he’s a dwarf? Whatever. Doesn’t matter.’

After checking that everything was secure, I moved on. A single hose wasn’t enough. The distance meant I had to connect additional hoses along the way.

"Ssshhh!"

As the dwarf had instructed, I sucked hard on the end of the hose. When I carefully set it down afterward, the water came out much more forcefully than before.

I connected that hose to another and secured them tightly with a steel tie. Repeating the process brought me all the way back to my shelter before I knew it. Finally, I connected the last hose to the valve, completing the setup.

GUSH GUSH

"Nice. Very nice."

The water flowed beautifully. Just watching it made me smile.

Still, I wasn’t quite finished. As I kept stressing, this was the wilderness. An animal might sever the hoses, so burying them under dirt was essential.

And with that, the roughly two-hour job was done. Knowing I no longer had to worry about water gave me a wonderful sense of accomplishment.

"Kyoo?"

"Oh. You’re awake?"

As it happened, Roundfur seemed to have woken up too. He looked at me with those bright, wide eyes of his. I wanted to hug him, but his body was crawling with ticks.

'Bath first.’

I needed a proper wash myself while I was at it. I bought an iron tub from the auction house and poured in some water. After rinsing it several times and checking for debris, I filled it to the brim. I also lit a fire underneath to warm the water.

'I should give him dewormer too, right?’

I had laundry to do as well. So much work. While I was at it, I ought to put up a drying rack. Having water available whenever I needed it had opened up so many possibilities.

While the tub heated, I posted on the forum.

I’m rich now

Wild Grylls

(Video of water gushing from a hose)

I’m water-rich now

└Oh. You pulled it off?

└Congrats, congrats

└Now you can take a bath

└Wild Grylls Gotta wash Roundfur first. So many fucking ticks on him;;

└Passing Dwarf Faster than I expected. Any problems?

└Wild Grylls Not really. Want a mandrake later?

└Passing Dwarf Oh, I’d appreciate that. Straight into the booze lol

└Wild Grylls Fuck that. You’re not getting one.

└Lmaoooo

└Lmaoooo

└This guy turns those expensive mandrakes into liquor;;

└What the hell does this dwarf do for a living? lol

└Heavenly Demon Now that you have water, what do you intend to do?

└Wild Grylls Not sure. Once I get a defensive wall from the dwarf, there won’t be much left to do. Chop trees or explore the area, at most?

└Heavenly Demon In that case, I believe you can begin learning an internal energy cultivation method from me.

└Wild Grylls Sounds great. I’ll wash Roundfur first and get back to you.

└Heavenly Demon I shall be waiting. I look forward to it myself.

└Sword Masta Cultivation is all well and good, but are you practicing your swordsmanship?

└Wild Grylls I’m keeping up with your posts. I still only know the basics, though.

└Sword Masta Excellent. Hurry up and get strong so you can marry me.

└Wild Grylls Excuse me?

└Sword Masta Just kidding

└Doesn’t sound like a joke to me?

└That person’s true feelings slip out pretty often

└Someone’s really hung up on getting married lol

Um... Yep. Nothing but weirdos here.

Still, it didn’t change the fact that I was getting stronger by the day thanks to Sword Masta. Remembering that post during the owlbear fight had saved me. Otherwise, I would have died.

"Hmm. This should do. Roundfur?"

"Kyooo?"

The water in the tub had warmed up nicely. It wasn’t steaming, but given the forest’s temperature, it was warm enough. I dragged the tub over to Roundfur. I’d chosen one that was wide rather than tall to suit him, and it was the perfect size.

"Get in here. Time for a wash."

"Kyoooo."

Could he really understand me? Roundfur regarded the tub with his bright eyes, then cautiously stepped into it. He flinched at first, perhaps because he’d never experienced warm water before. Fortunately, he realized it was harmless and carefully lowered his fluffy body into it.

"Kyoouuuu..."

"Feels good, huh?"

Now he was even closing his eyes and relaxing into the water. With a chuckle, I began washing every inch of him. Along the way, I carefully applied bug repellent all over to get rid of every tick.

'Won’t this be pointless once he wanders around again?’

I’d just have to live with that. I even used soap, scrubbing him thoroughly. Roundfur kept his eyes closed, apparently content to let me work.

The water got unbelievably filthy, though. That couldn’t be helped out here in the wilderness. I’d have to live with it.

'But I can’t resist taking a picture.’

I posted a photo of Roundfur’s bath on the forum. With just his face poking out, he was absolutely adorable.

Giving Roundfur a bath

Wild Grylls

(Video of Roundfur taking a bath)

Cute, right? Upvote if you think so

└That face is seriously unfair;;

└You’re telling me that little guy grows into a tyrant?

└Just watching this is soothing

└Ewww, filthy

└Your face is filthier

└I meant the water? Is your face filthy or something?

└Your mom

How did even a cute post like this attract such twisted people? I’d only posted it to show him off, so I didn’t particularly care.

I was still busy scrubbing Roundfur when it happened.

"Kyooooooo...!"

Roundfur, who’d been thoroughly enjoying himself, suddenly began trembling all over. The sudden change caught me completely off guard.

"Roundfur? Is something bothering you?"

"Kyoooo."

"No? Then..."

What on earth was it? Just as I wondered, something bobbed to the surface of the filthy bathwater. Something round and brown, almost black...

"... Roundfur. Did you poop?"

"Kyoo!"

"Aaaaagh! Get out right now! Hurry!"

Apparently, potty training needed to come first.

* * *

Washing Roundfur taught me something: bathing someone else, human or animal, was incredibly hard work. So much dirt came off him that I had to change the bathwater several times. By the time I could wash myself, the sun was sinking toward the horizon.

"Nom, nom, smack."

"Is it good?"

"Smack, smack, smack."

Once Roundfur was clean, I towel-dried him as thoroughly as possible. A hair dryer would’ve been nice, but since I didn’t have one, the campfire would have to do. I also gave him dewormer. True to his omnivorous owlbear nature, he gulped that down too.

'One of us gets meat while the other lives on fasting pills. Figures.’

I’d bought Roundfur’s dinner at the auction house. Like breakfast, it was monster meat. That was the cheapest option available. Since it had almost no uses, it cost less than ten gold.

I popped the bitter fasting pills into my mouth and grimaced. They tasted awful every single time.

'My stomach always hurts after I eat these.’

Roundfur’s potty training was simple. Never poop inside the cave. If you need to go, signal me, and I’ll stand guard beside you.

Amazingly, he understood it all. I didn’t know whether he was particularly smart or owlbears were just like that. The claim that they were loyal as long as you fed them well really wasn’t an exaggeration.

'Dinner’s more or less done. Now for the internal energy cultivation method.’

The lotus position didn’t hurt anymore, either. It felt as though my flexibility had improved dramatically in less than a week. I wondered whether that was even possible, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Thinking hard about it wouldn’t give me an answer anyway.

Heavenly Demon, ma’am. Are you there?

Wild Grylls

I’d like to start learning the internal energy cultivation method now. Are you around?

└Heavenly Demon I have been waiting.

└Wild Grylls ???

└Wow. The post went up 10 seconds ago and the reply’s from 2 seconds ago;;;

└Isn’t that stalker territory?

└Seriously, that’s kinda scary;;

I was just as startled. How could someone reply practically the moment I posted? Heavenly Demon had often been the first to comment, but never this quickly.

'Uh... Is she really that bored?’

Rather than that, it was probably an attempt to repay my kindness, as mentioned before. How should I put it? Waiting this eagerly made Heavenly Demon feel like a veteran player who’d finally found a newbie. Thinking of it that way put me a little more at ease.

└Wild Grylls You’re here. Please use private comments, like I asked before.

└Heavenly Demon Understood. First, sit in the lotus position.

I sat in the lotus position as she instructed. There was still a slight ache, but it was tolerable now. Just three days ago I’d been screaming like a little girl. Look how far I’d come.

'Will I finally be able to use mana, or internal energy, or whatever?’

I was genuinely excited. I’d get to use the kind of power you only saw in fantasy or martial arts stories. Hopefully, I’d eventually be able to fire palm blasts too. Those had always been excellent for keeping enemies at bay from a distance.

└Wild Grylls If I train enough, could I fire palm blasts too?

└Heavenly Demon Why do you ask?

└Wild Grylls To keep enemies at range?

└Heavenly Demon Don’t. Only fools do that.

└Wild Grylls Okayyy...

└So dejected lol

└But palm blasts are the dream...

└Truckloads of people have died chasing that dream.

└How can you resist a palm blest!

└It’s blast, not blest, dumbass

└So can Heavenly Demon fire palm blasts?

└Heavenly Demon Obviously. And not mere palm blasts—their power is that of a typhoon erupting from my hand.

└Lmaooo the sheer bullshit

└Just call yourself a mage at that point lol

An unexpected flame war broke out, but I ignored it completely. Heavenly Demon’s lesson was what mattered right now. Apparently aware of that too, Heavenly Demon posted another comment. A private one, of course.

└Heavenly Demon Once you are in the lotus position, begin dantian breathing.

└Wild Grylls What’s dantian breathing?

└Heavenly Demon Ah. You did say you didn’t know the lotus position either. I shall explain it step by step.

Thankfully, Teacher Heavenly Demon explained the concept of dantian breathing to me. The area below the navel—your lower abdomen—was called the dantian, and you were supposed to tense it each time you breathed. You know how people talk about drawing a scream or strength from deep in their gut? Apparently, something along those lines would do, so the concept itself was simple.

Heavenly Demon also explained that the middle dantian was the heart and the upper dantian the brain, but moved on, saying they weren’t important just yet.

'Focus only on the lower abdomen, not the whole belly.’

I closed my eyes and followed Heavenly Demon’s instructions. As I’d said, I focused on my lower abdomen alone, not my whole belly.

"Ssshhh... Hooo..."

After a few repetitions, I began feeling something in my dantian—my lower abdomen. At first it tingled, then seemed to fill the entire area. I wondered whether that was normal, but then something unexpected happened.

WHOOSH!

'H-huh?’

The energy gathered in my dantian suddenly spread in every direction. It was as though the container couldn’t hold it and was leaking. I’d barely taken a few breaths. How could I not panic?

'Wh-what do I do?’

The energy rising from my dantian passed through my heart and brain before spreading through my entire body. This was dangerous. Really dangerous. My instincts screamed it at me. Being a complete beginner, I had no idea what to do.

The one saving grace was that it settled down after exactly one circuit.

"Hah... Hah..."

My eyes flew open, every hair on my body standing on end. What on earth had that been? I wondered even as I panted for breath. My body was damp, apparently from breaking out in a cold sweat. My nose felt especially wet, and I unconsciously reached up to touch it.

"... Blood?"

It was blood. Pitch-black, dead blood at that. Wondering whether this was normal, I hurriedly opened the forum.

└Wild Grylls Heavenly Demon, ma’am. I followed your instructions and got a nosebleed.

└Heavenly Demon What?!

The shock came through even in the comment. So much so that Heavenly Demon immediately posted another one. It wasn’t even private; everyone could see it.

└Heavenly Demon Is anything wrong apart from the bleeding? Any dizziness or churning in your stomach?

└Wild Grylls Nothing like that. Just the nosebleed.

Even the nosebleed stopped soon afterward. I wondered whether Heavenly Demon was overreacting, but the other comments explained.

└Sword Masta Isn’t that an early symptom of qi deviation?

└Yeah, looks like it. That could’ve been dangerous.

└You can get qi deviation just from dantian breathing?

└Sword Masta It happens to some people, very rarely. When you breathed, did you feel the mana stored in your dantian—your mana core—spreading throughout your body?

└Wild Grylls Oh. Yes. How did you know?

└Sword Masta It happened to me. It’s because there’s far too much mana stored in your mana core, and an enormous amount enters with every breath.

└Wild Grylls But I haven’t done anything that would build up mana. What’s going on?

└Sword Masta Have you taken anything like a spiritual elixir recently?

A spiritual elixir... The only thing that came to mind was the fasting pills Heavenly Demon had given me. Heavenly Demon apparently realized it too and posted a comment.

└Heavenly Demon How many of my fasting pills have you been eating each day?

└Wild Grylls Three per meal, just to be safe...

└Heavenly Demon Wait a moment. I shall consult an aide.

└Is his dick actually gonna explode now?

└Boom boom! Lmaooo

└Wild Grylls You guys are seriously fucking insane;;

└But why eat that many? One per meal is enough.

└Wild Grylls I was worried I wouldn’t get enough nutrients...

└Dude lol didn’t you say they were spiritual-elixir grade? How would you not get enough nutrients? lol

└You didn’t believe Heavenly Demon?

└Wild Grylls It’s not that I didn’t believe her. I don’t know how good spiritual-elixir grade is. Isn’t it just a really fucking good supplement?

└So he really was just an idiot lol

└Dumbass lol

└Starlight Lady The mature mandrakes you gave me were spiritual-elixir grade too. Couldn’t you compare them to those?

└Wild Grylls I haven’t been able to eat anything except fasting pills. Living in the wild burns a lot of calories, too.

└Starlight Lady That makes sense.

└Passing Dwarf All right. Say “I’m an idiot” three times.

└Wild Grylls The fuck are you?

└Passing Dwarf What?

└Wild Grylls ...is the phrase I’ll be making an acrostic from. Give me the first word.

└Lmaooooooo

└Lmaooooooo

└Lmaoooooo

When I’d heard “spiritual-elixir grade,” I’d assumed that meant lots of nutrients. Apparently not. I felt utterly deflated. At least I’d found out before something disastrous happened.

└Heavenly Demon My aide has given me an answer.

└Wild Grylls What did they say?

└Heavenly Demon Too much is as bad as too little.

└Wild Grylls ...

└Lmaoooo

└Hit him straight with the facts.

└Isn’t that just what Heavenly Demon wanted to say?

All I could do was weep.

Still, my Johnson wasn’t going to explode. Apparently, this had happened because I was an ordinary person. If I’d eaten ten or more a day, though, it wouldn’t just be my Johnson—my whole body could explode.

Apparently, I’d also be better off circulating my qi and regulating my breathing rather than doing dantian breathing. The problem was, I had no idea how. Dantian breathing was the most basic of basics, with qi circulation and regulated breathing as the next step, and I didn’t even know the basics.

I was wondering what to do when another comment appeared.

└Sword Masta Would you like to try my breathing method? I was in a similar situation to you, Grylls.

└Heavenly Demon I have already decided to teach him. Be off with you.

└Sword Masta I think my breathing method would suit him better. I used to be just like that.

└Heavenly Demon Yours is a mana training method, is it not?

└Sword Masta Yes. Is there a problem?

└Heavenly Demon The western nations’ mana training methods lack the depth of internal energy cultivation methods by far.

└Wild Grylls Excuse me?

└Sword Masta I’d say that’s better than not being able to start at all.

└Heavenly Demon A well must be dug deep.

└Sword Masta He’ll die of thirst while digging it.

└Heavenly Demon Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

└Wild Grylls Hello? Guys?

Could you listen to me for a second?