Chapter 27 - Thief (1)

I stared at the red fish completely blocking the channel. I had placed rocks around it to direct the current. Since I had simply dug the makeshift channel with a shovel, it wasn’t very deep. Apparently, the fish had been unlucky enough to swim in and get stuck. With such a strong current and its body fitting the channel so snugly, getting out would be difficult.

'Why is it so big?'

It was large enough to fill the entire channel. At first, I’d thought it was a catfish rather than an ordinary fish. But aside from its red body, it looked like a perfectly ordinary fish.

Most fish were fairly narrow, but this one was enormous even across. I would need both hands to lift it. I didn’t know much about fish, but I could say for certain that it wasn’t a catfish.

'It should be safe to eat, right?'

I watched the fish flopping incessantly. It thrashed around trying to escape, but unfortunately, the water was too shallow. Judging by its mouth gaping above the surface, it seemed to be struggling to breathe, too. It kept flopping and flopping.

“You’re strong, too.”

I scooped the violently thrashing fish into both arms. It was practically the size of my torso, making it difficult even to keep my balance. Not wanting it to jump back into the river by accident, I moved as far away as I could. My plan was to carry it back to the cave and keep it in the tub for now.

'I’d better run, just in case.'

Running into a wild animal along the way would be trouble. If that happened, I’d have to use this fish as bait and escape. Fortunately, nothing of the sort happened, and I made it back safely.

“Kyuu?”

“No. You already ate.”

Roundfur took an immediate interest in the fish I’d caught. After getting him to back off, I put it in the tub. Since the tub was empty, I made sure to add water, too.

The red fish calmed down somewhat once I added water. Looking at it like this, it really was huge. It almost filled the tub I normally used to wash myself or Roundfur.

What a catch

Wild Grylls

(Photo of a red fish as big as a shield)

The hose wasn’t putting out much water today, so I went uphill and found this guy blocking it. It’s seriously huge.

Already had breakfast, so I’m planning to have this for lunch.

Looks like I’ll finally get a proper feast for the first time in ages haha

└Heavenly Demon Oh ho. That is quite a large specimen. In size and color, it rivals a Solar Fire Carp.

└Wild Grylls What’s that?

└Heavenly Demon A spiritual treasure imbued with the sun’s energy. An exceedingly rare creature. But I only mean that it resembles one. It is unlikely to be the genuine article.

└Wild Grylls How do I check if it is?

└Heavenly Demon You would first need to see whether it possesses an inner core.

An inner core—that was that thing, wasn’t it? Something like an oyster making a pearl. I wasn’t sure, but I figured it probably had effects similar to a spiritual elixir.

Of course, I didn’t actually think this fish was a spiritual treasure. Even if it was, that didn’t matter. I’d already decided to have it for lunch.

└Seriously, a spiritual treasure turns up every time he does anything lmao

└Is that really a Solar Fire Carp?

└Who knows. Grylls has to check

└Wasn’t there something similar to a Solar Fire Carp?

└Heavenly Demon If you mean the Ten-Thousand-Year Fire Carp, yes. It is quite literally a carp that has lived for ten thousand years.

└Starlight Lady In the old days, I would have told you to cut it open immediately, but there’s no need anymore.

└Weren’t those “old days” literally yesterday?

└Starlight Lady They’re the old days to me. Every day felt like a year.

└I guess it could feel that way

└Must feel like being born again?

└Waaah. I’ve been born again. Feed me.

└You lunatic lmaoooo

└Lmaoooo

└Lmaooo

└Starlight Lady You never change, do you? What utter morons you are ^^

But right now, it’s my lunch.

Whatever the forum had to say, this fish was destined to become my lunch. So I figured I should spend the morning repairing my shelter rather than exploring. Roundfur might eat it otherwise. Even now, he was staring intently at the iron tub containing the fish, watching for his chance.

“Ah-ah!”

I warned Roundfur as he reached a paw toward the fish. He turned to me with eyes so wide they were perfectly round, looking as though he had no idea what he’d done wrong. That innocent face made him even cuter.

“You can’t eat that. I’ll give you honey after lunch.”

“Kyuuu.”

“That’s right. Good boy, Roundfur.”

I stroked his head a few times and looked around.

Before putting up the wall, I needed to clear away the trees. Maybe that was why my chest already felt tight. When would I ever finish clearing all of them?

'They say even specks of dust can build a mountain. Better get to it.'

Grumbling inwardly, I walked over to a tree. Why did it have to be so thick?

Still, I felt good today. Gripping the axe firmly, I swung hard. Perhaps all that practice had given me a knack for it, because I could now easily put my hips into the swing.

CRACK!

“Huh?”

A puzzled sound escaped my lips the moment the axe bit into the tree. What I saw was completely different from yesterday. Before, I’d needed several swings just to make any headway, but not today. The blade had sunk deep into the trunk. Even the sound was different.

'What’s going on? Is this tree softer than yesterday’s?'

It wasn’t as though the axe could have changed overnight. Apparently, I was feeling good today and the tree was softer, too. That still didn’t fully explain it, but it worked in my favor, so I let it go.

'Why question a good thing?'

CRACK! CRACK! THUNK!

After another three swings or so, I examined the middle of the trunk. To my surprise, I had cut almost all the way through. A few blows from the other side would probably bring it down.

'Already?'

As recently as yesterday, I’d spent the entire day swinging an axe just to fell a single tree. Then I’d run into the owlbear and nearly died. There were too many questions to write this off as a different tree or simply feeling good.

Still, I wasn’t entirely without a clue. Something had changed since yesterday.

'Is it really because of the breathing method?'

That seemed likely. It was the only thing that had changed since yesterday. Getting stronger certainly couldn’t hurt. In an environment like this, strength was especially important.

'I’ll have to work even harder at it.'

A single breathing method had cut my working time this much. What a fascinating world. It had a balanced blend of fantasy and martial arts, along with superhumans who could blow up mountains.

Yet those very people wouldn’t believe one bomb could destroy a city. They were living nuclear bombs themselves.

'I really want to see the outside world.'

The view of the world the forum offered was narrow and extremely subjective. Well, every country did seem to share a poor opinion of the elven nation of Alvenheim.

Letting my thoughts wander, I moved around to the other side of the tree. If I chopped here, it would fall in the direction I wanted.

CRACK! CRUNCH! CRRACK!

After a few more blows, the tree began to sway. I checked the direction and pushed it with my foot. The towering tree began to topple slowly with a loud crack.

THUD!

I had felled a tree in less than ten minutes. That was an absurdly fast pace. Staring at the fallen tree, I took stock of my condition. I was a little tired, but not enough to need a break.

'I’ll do a bit more before I rest.'

After felling another tree, I finally felt somewhat tired. But that was all it was—a little fatigue. I could manage one more without a problem. In the end, I cut down three trees and listed them all on the auction house.

'It’s starting to open up.'

Maybe it was because I’d now felled four trees in total, but the area around the cave felt roomier. I smiled with a little surge of pride, then went inside for a proper rest.

HUFF... HUFF...

When I entered the cave, Roundfur was napping. As I’d mentioned before, he was still a baby. He’d probably sleep all day.

'The fish is fine, too.'

It sat quietly in the iron tub, without even the energy to flop around. I set down my axe and opened the forum to see whether anything had happened. Nothing particularly stood out, but something did catch my attention.

'The admin’s been a little less active.'

The admin’s activity had dropped off slightly. As the forum’s administrator, they would normally ban users for posting porn, gross-out pictures, or excessively abusive language.

Pics of hot ladies

All elves can fucking die

Gross-out warning) A photo of my hand

Posts like those were still up ten minutes after they’d been uploaded. Normally, they would have been taken down instantly, but not this time. The users saw their opportunity and began indulging their desires without restraint.

“...”

Pretending I wasn’t interested, I sneaked a click on a post myself. Out in the wilderness with nothing else around, the forum was my only source of entertainment. Of course, I wasn’t desperate for that sort of thing. It was more a matter of enjoying the view. I was too busy surviving to have time for anything beyond that.

Mr. Grylls, please read this.

After refreshing a few times, something caught my eye.

'Allfather?'

Normally, I would have scrolled past, but I couldn’t ignore a post from a familiar registered user. I opened it immediately.

Mr. Grylls, please read this.

Allfather

The promised item is ready. Please send a trade request whenever you like.

Apparently, the medicine we’d discussed was finished—the one made from golden poison frogs. Allfather had said taking it would give me permanent poison resistance, so I absolutely needed it.

└Wild Grylls Have you finished making the medicine you mentioned?

└Allfather Yes. I’ve made a ten-day supply. I believe I’ll need more specimens for the rest.

└Wild Grylls I’ll send you golden frogs as soon as I catch them.

└Allfather Thank you. I’ll be waiting.

Gaining poison resistance would dramatically improve my chances of survival. To do that, I’d need to hunt golden frogs again. Since I’d conveniently had enough rest, I fetched the crossbow resting against the wall. The bolts I’d shot into the owlbear’s head last time were still intact, too.

'That really is strange.'

I had been in such a hurry that I’d listed the entire corpse on the auction house with the bolts still stuck in it. But apparently, the bolts in its head hadn’t counted as part of the item, because they’d dropped out on their own. I’d nearly lost the bolts and harpoon I’d worked so hard to obtain.

CREEEAK!

I pulled back the crossbow’s string. It drew back easily. What had once demanded every ounce of my strength now required no more than gritting my teeth.

'I really have gotten stronger.'

That confirmed it. I hadn’t just happened to pick weak trees. My physical strength had genuinely increased, all because of one simple breathing method. The change was so dramatic that it raised more questions than admiration. I should post on the forum soon and ask Heavenly Demon or Sword Masta for advice.

'That’s all the preparations done... '

I checked on Roundfur, still sound asleep, and the fish in the iron tub. Everything was fine. All that remained was to hunt some golden frogs. I brought my sword and shield as well, just to be safe, and made sure to put a few fasting pills in my pocket.

With all my preparations complete, I stepped outside the cave.

'Surely no thief will break in, right?'

Entertaining that strange, pointless thought, I headed toward the river.

* * *

After Grylls left for the river to hunt, the only sounds in the cave were the splashing fish and the soft breathing of an adorable baby owlbear. Aside from those, the cave and its surroundings were utterly still. Birdsong sounded now and then, but it was nothing worth noticing.

RUSTLE!

Then a rustling came from among the thick trees. At first it seemed to be nothing more than the wind, but it wasn’t.

An animal slowly emerged from between the densely packed trees. Its arms were long compared with its short legs, and long, sharp claws extended from its fingertips. Covered in fur, it advanced very slowly—ever so slowly. Walking on its long arms like a gorilla, it had a clear destination.

SPLASH! SPLASH!

The iron tub containing the fish.

Its advance might have been painfully slow, but no one was standing guard. Even if it took some time, it would eventually reach the tub. The animal moved as leisurely as the expression on its face.

“What the hell?”

Or it would have, if Grylls hadn’t come back for the antidote he’d forgotten.

The animal, which had reached a spot right beside the tub, turned its head at the voice. Even that movement was incredibly slow. Face-to-face with the unexpected thief, Grylls murmured,

“... A sloth?”