Chapter 28 - Thief (2)

A sloth.

Its Korean name combined the words for “tree” and “slowpoke.” True to that name, it was famous for being painfully slow in everything it did. Just how slow? Supposedly, even zoologists who had studied them for two years gave up out of sheer frustration.

That might sound like a massive disadvantage in the wild, but it was surprisingly practical. There was an art to taking things slowly: moving less meant expending less energy.

'But this is the Forest of Four Seasons.'

I wasn't sure that philosophy worked in this forest. Even now, face-to-face with me, it was still moving at a snail's pace.

It must have been after the fish in the tub. But I wasn't sure whether sloths were omnivores. This called for the forum.

What the hell is this thing?

Wild Grylls

(Photo of a sloth caught trying to steal a fish)

Went up to the river and came back down to find this guy here.

Looks like I caught it trying to steal my fish. Do sloths eat meat?

└Heavenly Demon Its expression alone exudes composure. Be careful.

└??? Do you not know what a sloth is?

└Telling him to watch out for a sloth lmaooo

└Unbelievable lol

└Heavenly Demon You fools will only regret it once those vicious claws have impaled you.

└Allfather I never knew sloths lived in the Forest of Four Seasons. They should inhabit jungles.

└Wild Grylls Sloths don't eat fish, right?

└Allfather Leaves are their staple food. Moreover, sloths cannot walk; they have to crawl. Yet this specimen supports itself on both arms like a gorilla. Perhaps it isn't a sloth at all.

└Wild Grylls (Video of the sloth moving incredibly slowly)

└Allfather It's a sloth. What the hell is that thing?

└Wild Grylls I don't know either.

└That video gave him cognitive dissonance lol

└Even the professor's never seen this kind before. Damn.

└Isn't that practically a research subject?

└Allfather It is, but be careful. Every plant and animal in the Forest of Four Seasons has a weapon of its own.

Heavenly Demon, Allfather—everyone was telling me to be careful. The difference was that Allfather was wary of the unknown, while Heavenly Demon seemed to be going on instinct.

Still, I couldn't understand why they wanted me to watch out for this sluggish sloth.

'Seriously, I could just grab the thing.'

All I had to do was reach out and snatch it up. Not that I intended to. I could catch some disease or get bitten by bugs for my trouble. Roundfur was fine because I'd scrubbed him squeaky-clean, but not this guy.

'First, let's chase it off.'

Since it was after my fish, I wasn't about to let it have its way. Killing it would make me feel a little bad, though, so I only meant to scare it.

“Shoo. Shoo. Go away.”

“...”

I tapped it with the back of my sword rather than the edge, and the sloth backed away a little at a time. Even its retreat was so sluggish that watching it drove me up the wall.

But that fish was my lunch. Sloth or not, it wasn't getting it.

“Go eat some leaves. That's what you're supposed to eat.”

“...”

“You don't look happy about that. Why not? Go climb a tree. There's plenty to eat.”

“...”

The sloth's perpetually relaxed expression shifted slightly. The tiniest change made it look almost angry.

It was as if its face was saying, But you're the one who destroyed that tree.

If that really was the case, I was sorry. But it still wasn't getting my fish.

“That look won't work on me. Get going.”

“...”

“Tsk. This isn't working.”

Now it wouldn't back away even when I tapped it with my sword. I looked around and picked up a suitable branch.

I gave it a few pokes, and the sloth finally started retreating again. Maybe if I pushed it all the way to a tree, it would go home.

GRAB!

“Huh?”

But things never went the way I wanted. The sloth had caught the end of the branch in its hand.

After a moment of surprise, I tugged to pull it free. It held on tight.

“How are you so strong...?”

It wouldn't budge. The sloth was stronger than I'd expected. Then again, strong arms were probably a given for an animal that climbed trees.

In a situation like this, finding another branch was better than getting into a pointless tug-of-war.

'Or should I just put on gloves and pick it up?'

Actually, that sounded better. My gloves were in my pocket.

I put them on and moved behind the still-sluggish sloth. It barely managed to move before I got behind it. Even when I grabbed its back, it was the same.

“Up you go.”

“...?”

As I hoisted it up, its expression turned to surprise. Even its face changed as slowly as its body moved. It was amazing that such a laid-back face could make that expression.

Only after carrying the sloth to a tree was I finally done. Now I just needed to grab the antidote and go hunt golden frogs.

'Surely it isn't coming back this way?'

I looked back, thinking, No way. Sure enough, it was making a valiant effort to approach me. The sight was almost pitiful.

What was so special about this fish that it was this obsessed? I couldn't help sighing.

'... This won't do.'

Words(?) alone weren't going to cut it. I needed a more convincing threat. After all, this sloth was a thief trying to steal my precious meal.

I aimed my crossbow at the sloth as it cautiously approached. Killing it outright didn't sit right with me, so I planned to fire a bolt into the ground to scare it.

It inched along.

'... This is seriously frustrating.'

One slowpoke was holding me up this much. If I'd been more ruthless, I'd have put a hole in its head.

But the sloth hadn't directly harmed me. Every animal I'd killed so far had threatened my life.

I aimed the crossbow at the ground and fired where the bolt wouldn't hit the sloth.

TWANG! THUNK!

The crossbow bolt flew out and buried itself in the dirt. The sloth slowly lowered its head, gazed steadily at the bolt stuck in the ground, and raised its head again.

Then it resumed its slow, slow approach.

“This is driving me crazy.”

What the hell was going on in that thing's head? Even after all this, it showed no intention of leaving.

Frustrated, I finally asked the forum for help.

How do I chase this bastard off?

Wild Grylls

(Video of the approaching sloth)

It keeps eyeing my fish. I picked it up and moved it to a tree, but it's still doing this.

Even threatened it with a crossbow and it's still coming. Anyone got advice?

└Heavenly Demon What a tenacious creature. You should learn from it.

└Sword Masta Why not just give it the fish? Looks like it'll keep bothering you.

└Wild Grylls Please, you two. I want a proper meal too. Roundfur eats better than I do.

└Lmaoooo

└Hahahaha

└That's honestly so sad lol

└What's wrong with that bastard? Is there something special about the fish?

└Wild Grylls Nah, I think it's doing this because I wrecked its house.

└Why'd you wreck its house?

└Wild Grylls I chopped down a tree and apparently that was its house.

└That sloth can talk?

└Wild Grylls Nope, just a hunch lol

└So you were just talking bullshit lol

└Grylls. Are you going to be a human who loses to a sloth?

└Wild Grylls No, but killing it feels wrong.

└Just kill it and eat it, or give it to Roundfur. That's better.

└Wild Grylls Does it taste good?

└Nope, heard it tastes bad. That's how they survived humans.

└Allfather I've never seen a sloth behave that way... Fascinating.

└Even you haven't seen this before, Professor?

└Allfather I don't know much about the Forest of Four Seasons either. I don't even want to go near it.

There wasn't any particularly useful advice. Most of it amounted to suggesting I kill the sloth.

But sloths tasted bad and had lousy hides, so it wouldn't sell. It might be fine if Roundfur ate it, but the awkward cleanup bothered me too.

'Still, I can't give it the fish.'

Judging by that idiotic persistence, it would steal the fish eventually, however long it took. Give up my first proper meal in ages?

Not a chance. I loaded a bolt and aimed at the sloth. This time, instead of shooting at the ground, I'd make it a real threat. No matter how slow the thing was, a bolt passing by its head ought to make it realize it was in danger.

'If I accidentally kill it, well...'

I'd probably feel a little bad.

I aimed just beside the head of the steadily approaching sloth. The moment it took another step, I pulled the trigger without delay.

TWANG!

The bolt skimmed narrowly past the sloth's head. Despite nearly dying, its expression remained utterly relaxed.

Did it really not know it had almost died, or was it just slow? By now it even seemed shameless, and I let out a disbelieving laugh.

'This won't do.'

I gave up on scaring it away. Maybe a hole in its body would bring it to its senses.

I needed to hunt golden frogs, and I'd already wasted too much time. Steeling myself, I aimed at the sloth's shoulder. I'd already loaded the bolt. All that remained was to fire.

'Don't ever come back.'

Muttering that to myself, I pulled the trigger. There was no hesitation. I'd already given it several chances.

TWANG!

The bolt shot straight toward the sloth's shoulder. This crossbow packed enough punch to send even an owlbear into a frenzy with one hit. With its hide thinner than an owlbear's, the bolt would probably go right through.

Yes. By my calculations, that was what should have happened.

SWISH!

If only the sloth hadn't twisted its body slightly to dodge.

It narrowly avoided the bolt just before impact. Far from slow, the movement was incredibly agile.

“Huh?”

Having witnessed it in real time, I could only make a stupid noise. What had I just seen? Had I really seen a sloth dodge a bolt?

After a moment of bewilderment at this impossible sight, I hurriedly loaded another bolt.

That had to be a fluke. It was so slow that I'd simply failed to predict its movements.

Reassuring myself, I aimed the crossbow again. The sloth was still moving slowly.

TWANG!

Another crossbow bolt flew out.

SWISH!

As if to prove I hadn't imagined it, the sloth swiftly dodged the bolt. That was absurd enough, but what it did next was even more ridiculous.

It resumed its sluggish approach as though nothing had happened.

'... This thing is dangerous.'

I narrowed my eyes, on guard. This was no creature to take lightly.

It had actually watched a bolt coming and dodged it, with the simplest of movements. A bolt traveled incredibly fast once it left the string. Reacting to it on sight was difficult in itself.

Anyone here able to dodge an arrow on sight?

Wild Grylls

Isn't that hard? Answers from anyone except Heavenly Demon and Sword Masta, please.

└Heavenly Demon Why are you excluding me?

└Wild Grylls Because I think if I ask you, you'll just tell me it's easy.

└Heavenly Demon You know me well now. I am proud.

└Sword Masta It's surprisingly easy. You literally just watch it and dodge.

└Wild Grylls Sigh...

└It's more about predicting its trajectory than dodging on sight.

└Yep, and you need to watch the archer's hands closely. Then it's pretty easy.

└Easy my ass lol. The thing hits practically the instant the archer lets go.

└Bet most of the guys saying it's easy are holding shields lol

└Caught me lol

└Why are you asking, anyway?

└Wild Grylls The sloth watched the bolts coming and dodged them.

└???

└????

└What kind of bullshit is that?

└Wild Grylls I wish it was bullshit too.

Even when I asked the forum, the answer was that it was difficult. They said an ordinary human's eyes couldn't track an arrow once it left the string.

And when I told them a sloth had done it, none of them believed me.

'I don't believe it, and I saw it myself.'

Meanwhile, the sloth had gotten closer. Eyeballing the distance, it was roughly ten meters away. At this range, dodging on sight would be difficult.

I aimed the loaded crossbow at the sloth. Now that it had proven dangerous, there would be no more mercy.

'This time, aim for the head.'

Without the slightest hesitation, I pulled the trigger. A sharp bolt immediately shot toward the sloth's head. If it stayed on course, it would pierce straight through the center of its head and kill it.

But this was the Forest of Four Seasons, home to every bizarre plant and animal imaginable.

SNATCH!

“... Holy shit. What the fuck.”

The sloth caught the bolt flying toward its face in its hand. Then it slowly lowered the hand covering its face and stared at me.

Its utterly unhurried expression seemed to say:

—Too slow.