Chapter 5 - Crisis (2)

Contrary to the admin's posted rules, the forum had some unwritten rules of its own.

Don't casually offer help, no matter how desperate or pitiable someone's circumstances.

Don't rush to help someone just because they're injured.

The reason for those rules was simple.

Fucking scammer

(Photo of a sickly girl lying down)

You all know this photo, right? That registered user who said his daughter had an incurable disease and begged for help?

Turns out the bastard was abusing his daughter and deliberately starving her;;

Then he begged for money saying he was broke, so I donated. Fuck, I got scammed

└;;; How can a human do that? Even demons wouldn't stoop that low

└Slutty Princess: We demons don't do things like that. What a devil of a bastard.

└What about dark elves, then?

└All Hail the Sun: We have consciences too. Does this asshole think our consciences are as black as our skin?

└Busted lol

└All Hail the Sun: Fuck you. Where do you live? I'm coming over

└So how'd that guy get exposed?

└Apparently he got caught gambling with his daughter as the stake. They've gouged his eyes out now

└Damn;;

└Satan: Whoa, that's a bit much;;

There had been countless cases like that. Anyone could enjoy the forum as long as they met certain conditions.

But that "anyone" was the problem. People whose identities couldn't be verified could use it too—from the high and mighty to criminals sunk in the deepest depths of society.

That was why criminals generally wore mana-suppressing anklets to keep them off the forum. More serious offenders were punished by having their eyes removed altogether.

But what if someone's actually sick?

Some people really can't afford treatment. Are we just telling them to die?

└Earn money honestly, dumbass. Why do nothing but beg?

└True. You think the rest of us aren't strapped for cash?

└Fuck, there goes my faith in humanity lmao

└Fuck your faith in humanity. Ignore the assholes begging for money. Most of them are gamblers

└For starters, I'm not giving anything to anyone without a registered account. Yep

So the forum users had banded together. As a rule, they'd ignore assholes asking for money.

Not just money, either. They agreed to think long and hard before handing out things like medicine. Usually, you could profit simply by reselling a healing potion.

You could call it coldhearted, but all the malice that had piled up over the years had made things this way.

Of course, it was ultimately a personal choice. They wouldn't encourage it, but they wouldn't stop anyone either. It wasn't their problem, after all. Do whatever you want.

└Anyway, that's basically the story. Hang in there

└Wild Grylls: Fuck. Thanks, you goddamn explanation machine

└That was nothing lol

└Even a potion probably wouldn't fix a wound that bad. There's the infection risk too

└Wild Grylls: Then what do I do?

└Cut it off

└Fucking extreme lmaooo

"Fucking hell."

I understood, but it was still a bullshit rule. I swore aloud.

You could say I'd let my guard down. I'd been so exhausted that I'd shut my eyes for a moment, and this was the result.

At least it had bitten my arm instead of my neck. I'd used that opening to cut its head off with the sword.

'Should I just cut it off?'

I looked at my mangled right arm. It wasn't just riddled with holes; it was badly torn, too.

That fucking dog had sunk its teeth into my arm and shaken it wildly. I'd barely kept it from ripping the thing off.

'I need to stop the bleeding...'

I looked around the cave. There wasn't much in a cave used by wild dogs. Just bones that probably belonged to other animals. I should've seen this coming when I spotted those.

'Do I have to sell the sword to get through this?'

I felt terrible about doing it to Heavenly Demon, but it looked like I'd have to sell the sword for medicine.

My life was in immediate danger, and the forum showed no sign of helping.

Verify my identity? Who'd believe I'd come from another world? They'd think I was a lunatic.

Trading was my best option now. Fighting back the burning pain in my arm, I searched through the comments.

'Find a registered user first. Who should I...'

Sword Masta has requested a trade. Accept?

I was mulling it over, drenched in a cold sweat, when a trade request appeared out of nowhere.

It was the registered user who'd been dispensing all that bizarre advice. The diligent nutcase.

For a moment I wondered why this person was contacting me, but another wave of pain hit my right arm, and I hurriedly accepted.

Sword Masta

You're the one with the injured arm, right?

Yes

Sword Masta

I'll give you a potion.

Apply this and you should be fine.

Sword Masta has listed an item for trade.

Sword Masta

You don't need to give me anything. Just hurry and take it.

An angel without wings, right here! I spared only a moment to be moved before accepting the trade.

Then I closed the forum and looked down. Traded items usually appeared on the ground.

'... What's this?'

I blinked. A small cylindrical glass bottle held a liquid that glowed gold.

It definitely wasn't anything dodgy. That stuff, at least, didn't sparkle like starlight.

Before I could even wonder what on earth it was, I picked up the bottle. With one arm wrecked, even getting the cap off was a chore.

I poured it out.

"Gaaaagh...!"

Even after taking a deep breath first, it stung like fucking hell. Tears sprang to my eyes.

You might ask what kind of man screams over something like that, but fuck, it hurt like I was dying.

It was about five times worse than putting Albothyl on a mouth ulcer. Over a much larger area, too.

"Nngh... Oh, ooh?!"

Still, it worked at least as well as Albothyl, if not better.

Meaning it healed fast. The holes riddling my arm closed up in an instant.

It hadn't washed all the blood away, but I could do that later.

"Wow..."

I moved my restored right arm this way and that. It had healed completely.

Not only that, it felt sturdier. Miracle was the only word I had for it.

I gave myself a brief moment to marvel, then immediately logged back onto the forum.

Is Sword Master a god?

(Photo of a perfectly healthy right arm)

(Photo of a glass bottle containing golden liquid)

Is Sword Master a god? Is Sword Master a god? Is Sword Master a god? Is Sword Master a god?

My deepest thanks to Sword Master for giving me a new arm. By the way, what's this yellow stuff?

└Oh? Your arm's all better? Congrats congrats

└I was gonna give you something too. Shame

└Cut the bullshit lmao

└What the hell did they give you to fix that fucked-up arm?

Good question. I wanted to know too.

I looked at the golden liquid. About a third remained; I'd saved some just in case.

└Sword Masta: It's nothing special. Just a gift from my boss? I have plenty at home.

└Wild Grylls: So what's it called?

└Sword Masta: Elixir. Oh, and you should drink the rest, since there's a risk of infection.

└Wild Grylls: Yes, boss!

Following Sword Masta's advice, I drank everything that remained.

It fizzed like a carbonated drink, with a strange yet familiar taste.

You know that orange-flavored medicine you drank whenever you got sick as a kid? It tasted like that.

└Elixir? You gave him elixir?

└Come on, cut the crap. Why would you give that away?

└Elixir really was the only option, though. Yeah

└How fucking rich are you? Your boss gave you that as a present?

The forum's reaction was strange. Everyone was losing their minds.

Puzzled, I posted a question.

└Wild Grylls: I'm a dumbass, so bear with me. Is elixir expensive?

└Of course it is;;

└The lowest grade costs about a month's living expenses for a commoner family

└Wild Grylls: I don't know how much that is

└You really are a dumbass

└Lmaooo

Okay, so it was expensive. Apparently, being elixir didn't automatically make it insanely pricey; it depended on the ingredients.

The better the ingredients, the stronger the golden glow, they said, but I couldn't really tell.

One thing was certain, though. I owed Sword Masta my life.

I wanted to repay that debt somehow.

'Forget repaying anyone. I'm the one who still needs help...'

I'd write something anyway. At least I could express how I felt.

└Wild Grylls: Excuse me, but is there anything I can do for you?

└Sword Masta: Get strong and marry me, please

└Wild Grylls: Wha...?

└Lmaooo look how flustered he is

└This fucker proposes to anyone who shows promise lol

Oh. Right.

Sword Masta wasn't exactly normal either. I felt oddly deflated.

└Sword Masta: Just kidding. Please read my posts from the beginning. They'll help.

└Whatever else you say about this person, their posts are seriously useful. You absolutely need to read them, dude

└Fr, good stuff

└The empire's in tears lmao

"Are they that good?"

I still didn't know how this world worked, so it didn't really register.

But I'd received a favor, so I ought to do what was asked of me. Refusing even this much would be rude.

Besides, my only weapon right now was a sword. If I wanted to make good use of it, reading those posts sounded like a good idea.

└Don't Abandon the Hero: Ah...! Everything got sorted out while I was taking a nap! What a relief!

└The sucker has arrived!

└Welcome, sucker

└Don't Abandon the Hero: I'll delete that injury post in one minute! It's too gruesome!

The admin showed up once things had more or less settled down. Everyone started teasing them, announcing the sucker's arrival.

I tilted my head, wondering why they were a sucker, but another user explained before I could ask.

└Grylls, please don't take advantage of the admin

└Wild Grylls: Why? Did something happen?

└Can't say no to a request. Does everything people ask, like a sucker

└Didn't they give away their entire fortune because of that?

└The catch is their entire fortune was 10 gold lol

└Lmaooo

"An actual sucker, huh."

Way too nice for their own good. Now I understood.

Of course, that didn't mean I was going to ask the admin for anything. Even if I did, it'd be a fair trade. I had a conscience too.

'If I find any herbs or anything later, I'll give them to Sword Masta.'

For now, it was time to clean up. I moved the dog's carcass, which was still leaking warm blood.

I was worried the smell would attract other animals, so I'd need to block the entrance too.

'I'll stay here until Heavenly Demon gives me the rest of the supplies.'

I disposed of the carcass some distance away, then gathered nearby rocks to block the cave entrance.

Once I'd finished cleaning up, I opened the food bundle. I'd eaten one of these before going to sleep.

'No matter how I look at it, it looks like a rice ball.'

The size and everything else screamed rice ball. The taste didn't.

I put the child-fist-sized ball in my mouth and forced myself to chew, grimacing all the while.

Had Heavenly Demon really been eating this crap and calling it food? A pungent herbal smell stung my nose.

And the taste? Fucking awful and fucking bitter. Not a hint of sweetness.

'Still, better than nothing.'

I'd have to ask Heavenly Demon later. What on earth was in these things to make them taste so bad?

Strangely enough, they didn't stick in my throat. They just tasted fucking awful.

I finished the whole thing and leaned back against the wall. Far too much had happened today.

'At least now I know this isn't a dream.'

What had I done wrong to wake up here? And what the hell was this forum?

The sudden crash back to reality made me want to cry, but I held it in. First, I should figure out what kind of world this was.

To do that, I'd need to get on the forum. It was the only thing I could count on right now.

Pic of a smoking-hot nonhuman babe [0]

"..."

That was the post sitting right at the top when I logged in. I flinched at the sight.

Then, by reflex, I glanced around—even though I knew nobody else was here.

'Hmm. Well, it is right at the top...'

With that bit of self-justification, I clicked the post.

"GAAAAAAGH!!!"

And suffered severe internal damage.

You fucking lunatics

Wild Grylls

Where the fuck did you take that photo? Fucking hell fuck fuck fuck

└Welcome aboard lmaooo

└Ah, another victim of exposure today

└So? Isn't our dwarf lady pretty? Rate her

└Wild Grylls: Shut the fuck up

└Isn't this the registered user who posted about his fucked-up arm earlier?

└Arm's healed and he's already putting it to work lmao

└Of course. Can't skip the daily routine lmao

└Such is the tragedy of the male species

Yep. The forum was definitely a den of lunatics.

* * *

"Looks like he's fine, thankfully."

Ashe smiled as she watched Grylls lose his goddamn mind(?) after his exposure.

The elixir she'd given him was one of the gifts bestowed on her by the emperor. She couldn't even remember when she'd received it.

Besides, she had so much elixir she practically tripped over it. If all else failed, she could just ask the emperor for more.

'How will Heavenly Demon react?'

More than anything, she was curious about Heavenly Demon's reaction.

The admin had already deleted Grylls's injury photo. Heavenly Demon would be thoroughly confused.

What on earth had happened to make Grylls sing her praises? That was what Heavenly Demon would be wondering.

'And an ordinary person? Give me a break.'

Ashe snorted. Grylls was rather good at fighting for an ordinary person.

A truly ordinary person would've died without even putting up a fight against a mad dog.

But Grylls had sacrificed an arm to strike back. The guy showed promise.

'He's entertaining, too.'

There was something oddly entertaining about it. Give Grylls this and that, and he gradually grew stronger.

It wasn't as though he did nothing but take, either. His efforts to repay what he received stood out.

Endearing, perhaps. Wearing her characteristic toothy grin, Ashe focused on the forum, watching to see if Grylls needed anything or had more questions. This was a new kind of fun.

Guys. I'm in serious trouble [0]

"There it is!"

What would he ask this time? Ashe immediately clicked the post.

She didn't know what had him in trouble again, but first things first: take a look.

Guys. I'm in serious trouble

Wild Grylls

I need to shit and I've got no toilet paper. I'm fucked.

"..."

He was quite the dumbass himself. Ashe let out a disbelieving laugh.

"Do I wipe with my pants? I mean, I'm the only one here anyway. God, please."

But to Grylls, who'd been dumped in the wild with nothing, this was a deadly serious problem.

He couldn't do it inside the cave, and even if he did, cleaning up would be a headache.

The collective wisdom of the forum was his only hope now. It was so urgent he couldn't even think straight.

└Can't you wipe with leaves?

└Wild Grylls: Worried I'll get a rash;;

└Then wipe with that magical beast you just killed. You could probably cut off some hide with your sword

└Wild Grylls: Oh! Thanks thanks

└Don't Abandon the Hero: Don't! Wiping with mad dog hide could give you an infection!

└And how would our moderator know that?

└Don't Abandon the Hero: Huh...?

└Lmaooooooo

└Wild Grylls: What the fuck am I supposed to do

Grylls faced a crisis of a different kind. Just as he was about to sacrifice his pants...

└Passing Dwarf: I've got some ripped-up underwear, if you want it?

└Wild Grylls: Yeah hurry up and send it

└Passing Dwarf: I'm a guy btw

└Wild Grylls: Who gives a fuck it's urgent fuck fuck fuck

└This guy's for real lmao

└Passing Dwarf: Seems like he's serious so I just sent toilet paper

└Wild Grylls: Oh fuck thank you my god

└Lmaooo what religion is that?

└Wild Grylls: Anyone who helps someone in a crisis is a god. That's how it works

└That sounds fucking stupid but he's right

Receiving toilet paper from Passing Dwarf brought the incident to a close.

It had been an unexpected uproar, but watching Grylls's desperation, the forum users realized something.

└Does Grylls seriously have nothing? His life's fucking eventful

└At least he's different from those scammer assholes. Yeah

└Poor bastard lmao

At the very least, he wasn't a scammer.