Chapter 6 - Forest of Four Seasons (1)

Park Jonghyeok, human being.

Survivor of the greatest crisis of his life.

Thanks to Passing Dwarf, I had made it through that disaster, but the problem wasn't entirely resolved. Whatever those Coco Balls had done to me, my stomach kept hurting. Specifically, the kind of hurt that meant I needed to shit.

'Surely Heavenly Demon wouldn't have given me spoiled food.'

They tasted bitter, but there was no sour smell, so they definitely weren't spoiled. My body probably just couldn't handle them. Poop was a lump of waste anyway, so it didn't mean there was anything wrong with me. The opposite, when nothing came out, would be the real problem. That would mean I hadn't eaten anything. Besides, this wasn't diarrhea, with its risk of dehydration, so I could write it off as a minor incident for now.

'For now, I'll wait until Heavenly Demon gives me the other supplies.'

I stored the toilet paper Passing Dwarf had given me in a corner. Even the toilet paper was different from what I knew. The texture was a little rough, I guess? It wasn't very absorbent either, which had made cleaning up a struggle. Still, having it was far better than not. Toilet paper had all sorts of uses.

'Come to think of it, where the hell am I?'

I meant this world, not the forest. For starters, how did it have a forum without the internet? And it floated in the air like a status window. I had more than a few questions. After wondering where to begin, I started by figuring out how this world was organized. There seemed to be various races, so it would be good to learn about them in advance.

'So the races are basically humans, elves, dark elves, beastfolk, demons, and dwarves.'

There were four human nations, one with an even mix of races, and one each for the rest. There were also regions that weren't recognized as nations. Most of those were human, too. I wondered why humans were the most numerous, but I could find that out later. Learning common knowledge took priority over the finer details. That way, people wouldn't treat me like a lunatic once I got out.

Listen up, knife-ears

For fuck's sake, quit cutting down trees and planting new ones. You're just making life harder for us.

└Let's Grow Trees: Why? More trees mean more resources. Isn't that a good thing?

└You fuckers dig up all our trees and only plant your own.

└Then you say, "These trees are ours," and insist it's your land. -_-

└Average knife-ear behavior lmao

└Let's Grow Trees: We don't just dig them up indiscriminately. We only plant in suitable soil! It's depicted in the World Tree Watermelon Diagram, too.

└Can't someone kill these knife-eared fucks? Can't even talk sense into them?

└Nope. The elf queen's a crazy bitch too. No reasoning with her.

└Isn't this gonna start an actual war?

└The elf queen has enough sense to know exactly how far she can fucking push it lol

The way people treated elves was interesting. The elves I knew were a proud, aloof race that loved nature. But judging by the forum... they were practically the world's designated most-hated race.

Knife-ears in a nutshell

Used to spout shit about being superior, then got their asses kicked by the other races.

After that, tried scheming behind everyone's backs and got their asses kicked again.

Now they get caught secretly planting trees and get their asses kicked.

Are these fuckers incapable of learning?

└Watch your mouth. We once fought the entire world.

└And the humans kicked your asses. Want another round?

└Lmaoooo

└Let's Grow Trees: We have no intention of fighting. We're a peace-loving race.

└Bullshit. Then why do you throw fits over territory?

└Let's Grow Trees: Because that territory originally belonged to us elves. Isn't it only natural to reclaim it?

└Oh for fuck's sake lmaooo

└They're right from their perspective though. Long-lived race and all lol

└Probably feels like ten years ago in human terms?

└I am... truly sorry... for the trouble... the youngsters cause these days...,

└Oh, sir, you must have your hands full.

└Heard the Grand Council has a rough time thanks to the elf queen lmaooo

└Isn't it normally supposed to be the other way around?

└The queen's that much of a psycho, yikes

└Nothing matters in the face of true insanity. Yep.

Hmm... Moving on. Even after I got out, I should avoid getting involved with elves if at all possible.

That registered user, Let's Grow Trees, kept showing up on posts about elves. Maybe they were one. Plenty of users seemed to know them, so they were probably a forum celebrity like Heavenly Demon or Sword Masta. But they'd built up so much ill will that they didn't get much of a positive reception.

'That's enough for now. Shall I look at the swordsmanship lessons?'

Survival came first, so I couldn't spend too much time studying general knowledge. Still, I couldn't wander around recklessly before I got a compass. I opened one of Sword Masta's posts. Swordsmanship basics.

You Can Do It Too! Basic Swordsmanship, Lesson 1

Sword Masta

Before we begin, those of you who don't yet know how to fight properly should carry a shield along with your sword. I recommend learning how to fight before devoting yourself to swordsmanship.

It doesn't look cool? Acting tough can get you killed. Right now, you're a know-nothing little scrub, so shut up and carry a shield.

Also, if you cannot use mana, I recommend learning a mana training method first.

All well and good, but how was I supposed to train my mana? I blinked. I knew mana existed in this world, and that you could use it to grow stronger. But that was all. I had no idea where to find a mana training method.

'Even the top posts are all weird stuff...'

I scratched my head. The forum was great and all, but it was a complete jumble. Apart from the top posts, auction house, and trading exchange, nothing really had its own category. I'd probably need to find someone like Sword Masta. Digging through the forum was far too inefficient.

'About thirty minutes until I can trade with Heavenly Demon again.'

That was one nice thing about the forum: I could tell the time. With new posts constantly appearing, I could naturally keep track. There were just way, way too many. It was a wonder my posts didn't get buried in that tidal wave.

Anyone know how to train mana?

Wild Grylls

Title says it all.

'Maybe it's because I'm a registered user?'

The thought occurred to me after I posted my question. Anonymous users overwhelmingly outnumbered those with fixed usernames. Registered users made up a tiny fraction. Well, anonymity was important on a forum. Registering meant giving up half of that anonymity, and if your identity ever got out, you'd suddenly have a mountain of embarrassing history attached to your name.

While my mind wandered for a moment, a notification sounded. Someone had commented. I checked immediately. It was Heavenly Demon.

└Heavenly Demon: Is a mana training method not what we in the Central Plains call an internal energy cultivation method?

└Yep, that's right.

└Heavenly Demon: Then I shall teach you.

└How good is the mana training method you know?

└Heavenly Demon: It is a cultivation method that shatters the heavens and shakes the earth.

└Lmaoooo talk about grandiose

└Smells like a scam lol

Well, I didn't think so. The sword was why. The only sword I'd ever held was a bamboo one during kendo practice, but even I could tell how terrifying Heavenly Demon's gift was. Chances were, Heavenly Demon was a superhuman worthy of that weapon. Ironically, though, that was precisely why I hesitated to learn.

└Wild Grylls: I feel like I'm getting too much from you already. It's okay.

└Heavenly Demon: You are my benefactor, my honored friend. Meeting you was a fortuitous encounter. Please allow me to repay your kindness.

└Wild Grylls: All I need is a compass and something to start a fire...

└Heavenly Demon: That is nowhere near enough.

This just made me feel even worse. I scratched my head. I'd only found that New Moon Spirit Grass or whatever by chance, and I hadn't even known Heavenly Demon was genuinely in danger. One coincidence had led to another, and here we were. It made me a little hesitant.

'... No. With the position I'm in?'

I'd accept as much kindness as my conscience would allow. Just not get too greedy. I did have a conscience, and I intended to repay the help whenever I could. I typed an acceptance.

└Wild Grylls: All right. But please make the comments private. Don't want to attract trolls for no reason.

└Heavenly Demon: Understood. First, sit in the lotus position.

Lotus position? I tilted my head. It sounded like something from a martial arts novel, but that was the extent of my knowledge.

└Wild Grylls: What's the lotus position?

└Heavenly Demon: ?

└Lmaoooo caught off guard

└Isn't this the first time that boomer's been thrown for a loop? lol

Most of the replies were teasing me. After a moment of confusion, I searched the forum. The lotus position must have been fairly widespread, because there were even photos. I picked a random post and followed along. Put your feet on top of your thighs, right?

"Aaaaaaagh!!"

A girlish scream burst out of my mouth. I tried to untangle myself in a hurry, only to get more tangled. I nearly cried. It felt as though every joint in my legs was being twisted out of shape. I collapsed facedown on the floor, trembling. Did I absolutely have to sit in the lotus position? I'd better ask Heavenly Demon.

└Wild Grylls: Heavenly Demon, do I have to sit in the lotus position? It hurts like a bitch;;;

└Heavenly Demon: Why would this hurt? I do not understand.

└It does hurt the first time lol

└Work on your flexibility, bro lmao

In the end, I decided to learn mana training another time. Heavenly Demon seemed so flabbergasted that there was no objection. I asked in the comments whether the lotus position was absolutely necessary for mana training.

└It's just the done thing.

└Wild Grylls: The done thing?

└Yep. You just do it even if you don't know why lol

└Wild Grylls: ;;;

Whatever the case, I'd have to practice the lotus position gradually. Improving my flexibility would be difficult in these circumstances. Instead, I read Sword Masta's post. Carry a shield along with your sword, rather than just a sword. The advice was pretty persuasive and suited my immediate needs, so I readily took it on board.

'The problem is where to get a shield.'

Cutting down a tree and making one myself wouldn't be a bad option. My sword was that good. But without even any water on hand, chopping down trees wasn't an efficient use of my energy.

'Oh. I should ask Heavenly Demon for some water, too. A shield... would be pushing it.'

At times like this, I wished the forum had private messaging. I'd heard it used to, but I didn't know why it had been removed. Probably because of cliques. For now, I put a few of the intensely bitter pellets on my palm. First, I'd find out what they were for.

Heavenly Demon, what are these things you gave me called?

Wild Grylls

(Photo of pellets on a palm)

Never mind the awful taste. Sorry to ask, but these aren't spoiled, right?

└Heavenly Demon: They are fasting pills. They are somewhat bitter, but they are not spoiled.

└Wild Grylls: "Somewhat bitter" is putting it mildlyyy...

└Heavenly Demon: Hmm. I found them to my taste.

└Grandma taste buds;;

└If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

└Heavenly Demon: I do not know. Age is of no importance anyway, is it?

└That's what old people always say.

└An actual boomer lmao

I should probably be a little more respectful. At the very least, Heavenly Demon seemed older than me. Not that Heavenly Demon sounded particularly bothered, but building goodwill couldn't hurt.

└Wild Grylls: How many of these should I eat a day?

└Heavenly Demon: As I understand it, one normally takes one pill per meal.

"Huh?"

I'd been eating them by the handful. Surely there weren't any side effects?

└Wild Grylls: I ate a lot, though...? There aren't any side effects, right?

└Heavenly Demon: I shall go and ask.

└Your dick's gonna explode now lol

└Ka-lol-boom lol

└Wild Grylls: Don't even joke about that...

I was scared it might actually happen. My body had already started feeling strangely energized. You might ask what was wrong with that, but the problem was that it was too much. I could actually feel heat. Getting sick in this situation would be the worst. I prayed nothing would happen.

A little while later, Heavenly Demon returned.

└Heavenly Demon: I asked an aide, who said there are no side effects. On the contrary, they are good for the body. In particular, they eliminate accumulated impurities.

└Wild Grylls: Impurities?

└Heavenly Demon: For ordinary people such as you, my honored friend, those usually pass in the stool.

└Wild Grylls: What about feeling energized?

└Heavenly Demon: Their effects are similar to those of a spiritual elixir, so that is only natural.

Thank goodness. My big Johnson wasn't going to explode. I sighed in relief and rubbed my chest. Apparently, the heat was a sign of my body absorbing the energy, too. Fasting pills were a kind of emergency ration, but they were exactly the food I needed right now.

'That was the minimum, so I guess I'll need to eat quite a few to get enough nutrients.'

Either way, I had to eat these bitter little pellets. I wasn't in any position to hunt. Even if I succeeded, that wouldn't provide every nutrient I needed.

└Those shitty little pellets work as well as spiritual elixirs? Yeah right lol

└Heavenly Demon: Of course. These fasting pills were specially made for my training.

└Then make me one too.

└Heavenly Demon: I shall make you a fasting pill in a most distinctive shape. 凸

└Lmaoooo

Between the sword and eating things like these, Heavenly Demon was definitely someone important. But why were they hanging around a forum? Well, I'd gotten an enormous amount of help thanks to that. Without Heavenly Demon, I'd have died long ago.

As I browsed the forum, a good idea suddenly struck me, and I posted a question.

Roughly how much is a mad dog carcass worth?

Wild Grylls

Enough to buy one crappy shield?

└Probably enough for a used shield?

└Wild Grylls: Not a new one, though?

└Nope. Mad dog hide isn't very good.

└Wild Grylls: How much would it be? Wanna trade for one.

└Just list it in the auction house.

└Wild Grylls: I don't need money. Carrying it around would be a pain.

└Oh right, you're new. You don't have to carry it. It stays stored on the forum.

Stored? After reading that reply, I investigated further. You could deposit cash directly into the forum, where it was sorted by each nation's currency. Exchange rates applied, too, but the biggest drawback was none other than the fees. They were murderously high compared to ordinary auction houses, so it wasn't all good. Still, the overwhelming advantage of bypassing distribution altogether made it extremely popular.

'What? Then I could've just auctioned off the New Moon Spirit Grass?'

And that, folks, is why information matters. Still, I'd saved someone's life and gained a valuable connection, so I could let it go. Besides, apparently those terrifying fees meant direct trading had just as many users as the auction house.

└Wild Grylls: Then where do all the fees go? The admin?

└Yep. The admin runs the auction house and all that. Dunno what they do with it, but they're broke.

└Don't Abandon the Hero: I donate the fees to those in need or put them toward improving the forum!

The admin, who had been quiet until now, appeared. You could feel the kindness in that answer.

└Admin... I'm in need too... Could you spare 10,000 gold...?

└Don't Abandon the Hero: Oh...! I don't have any money right now...!

└Don't fucking give them any.

└This is why we need mods. Why don't you recruit any?

└Don't Abandon the Hero: I'd rather handle the hard work myself! Moderators don't get paid!

How many times had the admin been screwed over for even the anonymous users to be trying to stop this? Most replies to the anonymous user pretending to be needy told them not to say that even as a joke. It showed just how well-liked the admin was. Come to think of it, how was the admin chosen?

'I'll find that out later.'

For now, I needed to auction off the mad dog carcass. I stepped out of the cave. I'd dumped it some distance away, but I'd memorized the whole route, so there shouldn't be a problem.

SMACK. SMACK. CHOMP, CHOMP.

"..."

CRRUNCH! CRUNCH!

I stand corrected. There was a problem. A bear was having a delicious-looking feast on the mad dog carcass. No, an owl. Its face was definitely an owl's, but its body was bigger than a bear's. I hurriedly posted a photo.

What's this bastard?

Wild Grylls

(Photo of something feasting on the mad dog carcass)

Fuck, I went to get the mad dog carcass and this fatass is eating it. Anyone know what it is?

└Holy shit, that's an owlbear.

└Forget being an owlbear, why's it so huge?

└Fuck, it's a walking house lmao

└One hit from those claws and you're dead.

So that was an owlbear. The moment I learned what it was, I started creeping backward. All my hard work, only to feed someone else's belly. At least I was still alive.

'Fuck. I need to get out of here, fast.'

Wild dogs were one thing. A bear was another. And this one's size was ridiculous. I edged away, then ran for the cave once I was far enough off. What would have happened if I'd arrived a little sooner? Just imagining it made my head spin.

'What do I do? Defend myself from inside the cave?'

Unknown dangers lurked outside, but the owlbear made me afraid to hole up in the cave. I'd barely survived the greatest crisis of my life, and another one was already upon me. All I could rely on was Heavenly Demon's sword.

Heavenly Demon has requested a trade. Do you accept?

While I trembled with anxiety, Heavenly Demon sent a trade request. A glance at the time confirmed it was about time for that. I hurriedly accepted, and the familiar empty slots appeared.

Heavenly Demon has added items to the trade.

Heavenly Demon

"Here are the compass and ignition stone you requested, my honored friend. You can recharge the ignition stone with internal energy."

"Thank you. But I don't know how to use internal energy. Do you have anything else?"

Heavenly Demon

"Hmm? How do you access the forum if you cannot use internal energy? Not knowing the lotus position, either... How strange."

From what Heavenly Demon said, you apparently had to know how to use internal energy—mana—to access the forum. It was hard for me to explain, too. I'd opened my eyes to all sorts of bizarre phenomena. Explaining every last thing would be difficult, so I simply answered.

"Given my circumstances, it's difficult to explain in detail. We don't have much time, either."

Heavenly Demon

"Hmm. Very well. In any case, pressing the button on the ignition stone produces a flame, so you should be able to use it. Do you need anything else?"

"Sorry to ask, but could you spare some water, too...?"

Heavenly Demon

"For you, my honored friend, gladly."

"Oh, thank you!"

I thanked Heavenly Demon and accepted the trade items. Relief supplies(?) materialized on the ground: a compass, an ignition stone, and a large water bottle. Every one of them had an Eastern look. I checked the ignition stone first.

'The button... Here it is.'

FWOOSH!

When I pressed the button, a small flame sprang up along the edge. That would be plenty. Next was the compass. With one of those, escaping would be much easier. People got lost in forests because they couldn't keep their bearings. This one thing would solve...

"Huh?"

...everything, or so I'd thought. Instead, a baffled sound came out. My eyes widened. Something was wrong with the compass. Its needle should have pointed steadily in one direction, but it wouldn't stay put, spinning round and round. Had Heavenly Demon given me a broken one? A little flustered, I posted on the forum.

Heavenly Demon, I think the compass is broken?

Wild Grylls

(Video of a compass that's lost its bearings and its way)

The needle keeps spinning. What's wrong with it...? I think you gave me a broken one...

└Heavenly Demon: Hmm? That should not be possible. It was perfectly fine when I sent it.

Heavenly Demon replied immediately, which only made me more confused. Why was a compass that had worked just moments ago doing this? This made things even more difficult for me.

└Maybe something got messed up during the trade?

└Nah, probably not. It's basically teleportation.

└They don't usually break out of nowhere.

└Going round in circles pretty well.

└Like your life?

└Stfu

The other users were puzzled, too. Why would a perfectly good compass do that? Of course, it might have broken right after the trade by pure coincidence. I needed another one.

└Wild Grylls: Anyone got a compass I could borrow? I'll return it as soon as the timer's up.

└Starlight Lady: I'll give you one.

└Slutty Princess: I'll give you one tooo.

└All Hail the Sun: Me too.

└Don't Abandon the Hero: I'd like to give you one too, but sadly I don't have one...

Had they sensed something unusual? Registered users who didn't normally comment showed up in droves. I seemed to have caught their interest in that short time. The New Moon Spirit Grass had probably made quite an impression. Thanks to them, I got compasses in all shapes and sizes. Quite the assortment.

Fuck, they're all doing the same thing?

Wild Grylls

(Video of spinning compasses)

They've all lost their way like Outsider. Seriously, what the hell is going on?

└Heavenly Demon: How strange.

└Sword Masta: How strange.

└Slutty Princess: How straaange.

└Passing Dwarf: What's wrong with them? Did you pour booze on the compasses?

└Wild Grylls: Stfu

They were all in the same state. Every last one was spinning. While everyone puzzled over it, a few users exchanged theories in the comments.

└There's exactly one situation where that happens, yeah.

└What is it?

└When you enter the Forest of Four Seasons. Heard the magnetism and mana are all tangled up there, so compasses don't work.

└Quit the bullshit. If that were it, they couldn't access the forum either.

└But it really could only be the Forest of Four Seasons?

└No way every compass is broken.

└Where the hell is OP? lmao

└Got drunk and ended up in the Forest of Four Seasons lmao

Nobody seemed certain. There were two opinions for now. The compasses had gone haywire, so it was the Forest of Four Seasons. No, it couldn't be, because you couldn't access the forum in the Forest of Four Seasons. Either way, my feelings boiled down to one thing.

'...I think I'm fcked?' *

Things were taking a strange turn.