Chapter 61 - A Bizarre Adventure (3)

THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!

"Gwek! Gweeek! Kek!"

Harvesting mature mandrakes had gone beyond familiar territory; I was a master now. Yank out the root, beat it up, then stuff its mouth full of dirt. That was all there was to it.

It might sound pretty easy... and it was. Just beat the thing up and you were done.

Leaving them here would be a waste anyway. Better for them to provide someone with excellent nourishment.

'I should start eating one now and then myself.'

Eating them raw would be insane, so I planned to process or cook them somehow. Allfather had said simply simmering them in water would do, so I had plenty of options.

The best option was to ask Starlight Lady. She was well versed in alchemy, after all.

'They'll run out eventually.'

I looked around the mature mandrake patch. They still filled the clearing, which was about the size of a basketball court. Mature mandrakes grew densely across that entire space.

There were a lot, but harvesting them at this pace would gradually thin them out. I needed to get everything I could out of them while they lasted. That would improve my odds of survival.

'What sort of shield will he give me this time?'

With the mature mandrake in one hand, I returned to the cave. I encountered no real threats along the way.

When I arrived a little later, I checked the smoking meat first. It was turning golden brown as the smoke seeped into it nicely.

It was a little salty, but salting definitely extended its shelf life, so there was no point complaining. I could put up with that.)

'Let's arrange that trade with All Hail the Sun first.'

I poked at the fire to adjust its strength, then wrote a forum post asking him to send a trade request when he saw it.

All Hail the Sun has requested a trade. Would you like to accept?

The request arrived in less than a minute. My timing must have been lucky. Or perhaps he'd prepared the shield after seeing my post. I accepted immediately.

Hello!

I brought the mature mandrake!

All Hail the Sun

I brought the shield too.

Oh, and can you give me back the golden shield?

Of course.

Are you going to repair it?

All Hail the Sun

I'm going to melt it down.

Yikes...

I always got this impression from All Hail the Sun, but he positively radiated wealth. Middle Eastern oil-baron wealth, at that.

You could say the easy confidence that came with money was stronger in him than in anyone else. I envied him in all sorts of ways.

All Hail the Sun

This shield was made with adamantium mixed in, so it should hold up to pretty much anything.

If it breaks, you'll break too.

You mean it's that sturdy, right?

All Hail the Sun

Right.

Do you even know what adamantium is?

I know what vibranium is, though...

All Hail the Sun

What's that supposed to be? Anyway, just think of it as an incredibly rare mineral. It's harder than steel.

Its durability in particular should be incredible.

All this talk of durability reminded me of the slippers I'd worn in the military. Those slippers were praised as vibranium—the Defense Ministry's last shred of conscience.

They were one of the things you absolutely had to take home when you were discharged. The others were your razor and razor blades.

'Come to think of it, shaving hasn't even crossed my mind.'

I rubbed my stubbly chin. Normally, I shaved every two or three days, but given the circumstances, I'd kept putting it off.

Still, I wasn't sure this world had safety razors. Straight razors like the ones in barbershops, maybe.

Sir, do you happen to shave?

All Hail the Sun

My servants do it for me. Why?

Want a razor?

You don't have any that aren't shaped like knives, do you?

All Hail the Sun

What else would you shave with besides a blade?

Unfortunately, it seemed the type of razor I had in mind didn't exist. But using a straight razor would come with plenty of complications.

'Even working up a lather would be a hassle.'

What would I do for soap or shaving cream? And what if I cut myself?

Rather than worry about every little thing, I'd probably have more peace of mind just living as a hairy beast. With that, I gave up on shaving altogether. If it got too long, I'd give it a rough trim.

One step closer to becoming a true wild man.

Never mind. I think I'll just grow it out. Have you put the shield up?

All Hail the Sun

I have. Need anything else?

Not right now.

All Hail the Sun

All right. Ask whenever you need anything.

And give me a mandrake each time.

I'm lonely. How about coming here...?

All Hail the Sun

My wife's calling.

Gotta go.

Okaaay...

Once my conversation with All Hail the Sun ended, I inspected the shield. It was round overall, and about the same size as my old golden shield.

'No patterns at all?'

Far from ornate, it looked rather plain. Actually, even "plain" didn't quite cover it. It looked like a solid piece of steel cut down to size—nothing but the basic shape of a shield.

Its silver gleam made it feel all the more trustworthy.

'About the same weight, too.'

The similar weight made me like it even more. He'd said its defensive capabilities surpassed the golden shield's, so it was an upgrade all around.

'Now I'm invincible.'

Heavenly Demon's sword and an adaman-whatever shield. With these two, I had nothing to fear.

... That was a lie. Things like that tiger still scared me.

Invincible, my ass. Without the speed-sloth, I'd have died several times over by now.

'Now that I've got the shield, it's time to catch some crabs.'

Before heading out, I decided to check on the speed-sloth and Roundfur. By now, Roundfur would be enjoying a carefree nap, with the speed-sloth watching over him...

"...?"

... Or he should have been. Where had they gone? Blinking, I looked around the cave.

Since a pack of mad dogs had once lived here, the interior was fairly spacious. Not enormous, though—just big enough to feel cozy.

"Roundfur? Answer me if you're here. You too, Speedy."

I looked everywhere and called their names, but they weren't there. For a moment, I wondered whether some beast had carried them off in that brief interval, but no.

If that had happened, there would have been signs of a struggle. The cave was perfectly tidy.

I wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but one thing was certain: Roundfur and the speed-sloth had run off outside the cave.

The thought that not one but both of them had left already made my head spin.

'Why on earth... No, when did they leave?'

This was completely unexpected. My brain felt as though it had frozen.

All Roundfur knew how to do was eat, sleep, and poop. He was still at an age when he needed constant care. It had never occurred to me that he would wander outside. Why on earth had he left?

'Searching blindly could take even longer. Let's find their tracks first.'

Before that, I posted on the forum. It looked like my trade with Passing Dwarf would have to wait.

Roundfur and Speedy ran away from home

Wild Grylls

(Photo of the empty cave interior)

Can't take questions. I need to find them.

And Passing Dwarf, I'm really sorry. I'll get you your stuff once I deal with this emergency.

I didn't check the comments. I had a more pressing problem.

I packed my sword and shield, along with Elixir and fasting pills for emergencies.

'Let's hurry after them. They can't have gone far.'

I was worried something might happen to Roundfur or the speed-sloth. The one saving grace was that they'd left footprints. All I could do was follow them as far as possible.

"Roundfur!"

I called Roundfur's name loudly as I followed the tracks. I risked attracting wild animals, but I had no choice.

More importantly, Roundfur knew his own name. I figured hearing me call it might make him stop.

"Roundfur! No! Stop!"

Someone had once given me a tip for when a pet went missing: even if you didn't know where it was, start by saying no.

You never knew what it might be doing, so you had to scold it with a firm "No!" to make it come back.

"These are..."

While following the footprints, I found a marking. The speed-sloth's claw marks, clearly carved into a tree. I'd seen that shape often enough to be certain.

Judging by their regular spacing, he must have left marks here and there in case the footprints disappeared. I also marked trees with my sword at intervals so I could find my way back.

'As long as they don't go anywhere strange.'

Especially somewhere like the far side of the river, where space shifted constantly. If they crossed into a place like that, it would be the worst-case scenario.

Praying that wouldn't happen, I followed their trail.

'They didn't head into the undergrowth.'

Roundfur was fairly big himself, so he'd avoided the thick brush. That made tracking them relatively easy. The speed-sloth's markings in particular were doing most of the work.

Clever fellow that he was, he'd left large marks in conspicuous places. Once I found them, I'd give him fasting pills. Roundfur, on the other hand, was getting a scolding.

'I'll have to take Roundfur with me from now on.'

I'd leave him behind when he was napping, but bring him along when he was awake. I'd also need to start thinking about securing the cave entrance.

'How to block the entrance is the problem... Let's leave that for later.'

I'd need the little guys back before there was any point building something at the entrance.

I kept searching and calling Roundfur's name for quite some time. Contrary to my expectations that they couldn't have gone far, they were nowhere in sight, no matter how long I followed the trail.

RUSTLE.

Then I stopped short at a noise from the bushes. They wouldn't shake for no reason.

Would this be good news or bad? I kept my guard up and stared at the bushes that had moved.

"Roundfur...?"

I called softly, but no answer came. It was looking increasingly likely that whatever was in there wasn't Roundfur. I watched the bushes even more intently.

RUSTLE. RUSTLE.

The rustling grew louder. I tensed up. I'd never been here before, so I had no idea what might jump out.

In a forest where even rabbits were strong, a moment's carelessness could get me killed.

Finally, as the bushes began shaking more frequently, what emerged was...

"Peep?"

Black down and a little beak, complete with an adorable chirp. What emerged from the bushes was unmistakably a chick.

Its unexpected appearance made my tension drain away, but only for a moment before a question arose.

'Wait a second. Why is this thing so big too?'

Chicks were normally about the size of a fist. Even when they evolved—no, grew—into chickens, they barely reached a person's knees at most.

But the chick in front of me towered past knee and chest height, standing at eye level.

'If the chick's that big, then the chicken...'

Just how big would it be? A chill ran down my spine.

A shadow slid over my head. This wasn't a cloud briefly blocking the sun. Only the area around me had gone dark.

Hoping my suspicion was wrong, I slowly turned around.

Come to think of it, chickens kept their young—their chicks—with them. They rarely left their nests, either.

With one exception: when they went looking for a chick that had wandered outside.

"..."

"..."

I raised my head and came face-to-face with a chicken standing tall and proud. Its red comb made a striking contrast against its pitch-black feathers.

What the hell was wrong with this damned forest that even its chickens were this huge? In height alone, it rivaled the saber-toothed tiger.

"Peep."

Behind me, the chick called for its mother. I glanced at it and quietly stepped aside. It toddled over to the hen.

After checking on her chick, the hen silently stared at me. She looked ready to fight immediately if she decided I was a threat.

'What kind of chicken has eyes like that...?'

It wasn't a fighting cock, but its gaze was murderous. There were even scars of various sizes all over its body. The lack of feathers around the scars made them stand out all the more.

"... Cluck."

"Peep. Peep."

Fortunately, the hen apparently had no intention of fighting, because she turned away. The chick followed close behind her and disappeared into the bushes.

"Whew..."

I sighed in relief. That could have ended badly.

Perhaps the hen's intelligence had increased along with her size; she'd avoided a fight too. With her chick right beside her, she must have been sizing me up.

'... Is Roundfur all right?'

My worry kept growing.

* * *

Around the same time, elsewhere with Roundfur and the speed-sloth.

"..."

Roundfur stared straight ahead with wide, round eyes. Rather than their usual adorable look, they held an expression of intense concentration.

"Hiss. Hiss."

The reason was simple. A snake sat in front of him, flicking its tongue. It was quite large, and the sharp venomous fangs visible every time it opened its mouth were menacing.

Even a single bite could put Roundfur's life in danger.

"..."

One person—no, one animal—was watching the whole situation unfold. It was the speed-sloth, perched on Roundfur's back and ready to intervene at any moment.

If the viper tried to bite Roundfur, he intended to tear it apart with his claws immediately.

Roundfur slowly raised a forepaw. At the same time, the viper lifted its head.

Victory would depend on who struck first. Reaction speed was a matter of life and death.

For the speed-sloth, it was an entertaining spectacle. Of course, he intended to step in if things got dangerous.

As they watched each other in that hair-trigger standoff, the viper moved first.

"Hissss!"

Baring its sharp fangs, the viper lunged at Roundfur. It was so fast that Grylls would have struggled even to react.

Just as the speed-sloth was about to intervene, Roundfur reacted first.

THWACK!

Roundfur's thick forepaw slammed into the viper's head. It looked like a cat swatting with its paw, but the force was far greater.

That single swat completely crushed the viper's head. Its headless body writhed grotesquely, but it was pointless.

THUMP!

Roundfur stomped on the writhing viper and proudly climbed onto it. Its body thrashed even harder beneath his weight, but what could a headless snake do?

Then Roundfur held his head high.

"Kweeeeee!"

The proud roar of a victorious predator. An utterly adorable roar.

Now there was only one thing left to do.

"Nom nom nom nom."

Feast to his heart's content on the defeated animal.

Whether the snake kept wriggling or not, Roundfur chewed, tore, savored, and enjoyed it.

But perhaps he felt bad enjoying it all by himself. He stopped eating, lifted his head, and looked at the speed-sloth.

"Kyu?"

Roundfur was asking, Want a bite?

The speed-sloth looked very slowly from Roundfur to the viper, then answered with a shake of his head in his characteristic languid fashion.

Their bizarre adventure wasn't over yet.

"Roundfur! Where are you? Answer me if you're there!"

Neither was someone else's maddening adventure.