Chapter 64 - The Undead (1)

Time passed, but Passing Dwarf still hadn't posted anything.

It never occurred to me that the bastard might have taken the goods and run. That would earn him a permanent ban.

Since I'd supplied the drinking snacks, I figured he was simply getting absolutely hammered. That had to be it.

'He's going to die of liver cancer at this rate.'

Then again, since the liquor was infused with a mature mandrake, would it actually make him healthier?

I sighed and checked the forum again.

No matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find a single post by Passing Dwarf.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Sh*thead team

No way. They actually lololol

Please just disband.

How did the last-place Tigers become a powerhouse?

Instead, all kinds of bizarre posts were going up.

They were coming in so fast that I even searched the dwarf's username, wondering if his post had been buried.

Wondering what on earth was going on, I clicked a random post.

Sh*thead team

Suspiciously

(An emblem depicting a roaring lion)

Just disband, you dumb fucks.

└Lmaoooo

└What's the score now?

└They just gave up a grand slam. 7–0 lol

└What a fucking trash team lmao

Hmm. I was starting to get the picture.

Most of the other posts were also about sports—baseball, specifically.

Apparently there were baseball games going on somewhere right now. As far as I knew, multiple teams usually played at the same time, so it wasn't strange that related posts were springing up everywhere.

???: Put him on the mound, you bastards.

(A photo of a fierce-looking tiger beastman)

What did I tell you?

└Forgive me for doubting you.

└Fuck, you should've pulled the pitcher ages ago.

└This asshole hoarding pitchers in his treasure chest pisses me off so much lol

???: Your pitches are so fucking slow

(A photo of an angry middle-aged chef)

My grandmother could hit them with her walking stick!!!

└Grandma's going to get a lot of mentions today lol

└With a game this shitty, it'd be legal for Grandma to beat them with her stick.

└For real lol

You keep calling them a sh*thead team

But we all know you love them.

└Like your mom raising you?

└Lmaooooooo

└Savage. Absolutely savage lmao

Child-abusing bastards

(An emblem depicting a dog)

These fuckers aren't nurturing kids' dreams. They're crushing them.

I went with my son today and he cried when they blew the lead. Fuck.

└At least they're teaching him a lesson.

└What lesson?

└That you can still make a living being that much of a f*ckup.

└Lmaooo

└Lmaooooo

"Pffhahaha."

The place was overflowing with jokes that cracked me up just reading them.

There was plenty of savage stuff mixed in, too. It felt like eating spicy junk food.

Surprisingly few comments attacked individuals personally, so the admin wasn't stepping in.

└Why's the admin just letting this happen? There's swearing everywhere.

└Don't Abandon the Hero Sometimes people need to vent their anger!

That was apparently the idea. Thanks to that, the users could vent to their hearts' content.

A few people got carried away and started spamming, but the admin dealt with them immediately.

'Come to think of it, doesn't Heavenly Demon work as a moderator too?'

A question suddenly occurred to me. What did she think of sports?

With that thought, I sent her a private message.

Are you there, Heavenly Demon?

Heavenly Demon

What is it?

The reply came the instant I sent my message. Hadn't she been working?

After a moment of surprise, I asked about what was happening on the forum.

You've seen what's going on in the forum right now, haven't you?

Heavenly Demon

I am aware that the undead are howling.

The undead?

Heavenly Demon

Judging by their wailing, are they any different from rotting corpses?

Scathing, but she'd summed up the state of sports fans in a single sentence.

I wasn't a fan myself, but I had a rough idea of what they were like.

My friends had been the very definition of the undead. I remembered them losing their minds every game day.

You're not banning anyone or anything, then?

Heavenly Demon

There is no need.

They make me laugh every time I look. You should take a look yourself.

I'm watching too.

By the way, don't you have sports in the Central Plains?

Heavenly Demon

We do.

There will probably be a match tomorrow.

Martial arts and sports. What an odd combination.

I'd heard the Central Plains were conservative, but people could never quite give up entertainment.

They probably tolerated wholesome entertainment like sports to some extent.

Do you support a team?

Heavenly Demon

No. You seem quite interested, my honored friend.

It's something I enjoyed before coming here.

I was what you'd call a casual fan. I didn't support any particular team or get too deeply invested.

Still, being a casual fan was no obstacle to enjoying sports.

In fact, if a team had a good "story," I tended to watch more intently than anyone.

Heavenly Demon

Do you intend to join the ranks of the undead as well, my honored friend?

I won't go that far, but there is a team I intend to support.

Slutty Princess has helped me a lot, after all.

Heavenly Demon

Hmm. I fail to see what is so entertaining about ball games.

I should think sparring a better use of one's time.

What a boomer thing to say. Not that I couldn't understand.

I'd initially wondered what was so fun about a stupid ball game, and what the point was of supporting a weak team.

But watching my friends gradually become mental patients—no, undead—had taught me something.

It was a drug. A drug that kept you cheering to the bitter end, even when it made you sick.

... Just kidding. People enjoyed it because of an "attraction" that couldn't simply be put into words.

Everyone has different tastes, so it's hard to explain. In any case, cultural activities like sports can strengthen people's bonds.

Heavenly Demon

Strengthen their bonds... That sounds rather like religion.

Religion is part of culture too, after all.

Heavenly Demon

Then if I personally lead these ball games, the bonds among my followers would grow stronger still.

Wouldn't it be better to start a club rather than play yourself?

You're someone of high standing, after all.

Heavenly Demon

A fine idea. I shall consider it.

Save up some money first, though.

It costs an enormous amount.

That was assuming she actually had the means to start a club.

I had a rough idea that Heavenly Demon was someone important, but whether she could found a sports club was another question.

I just hoped she'd understand that there was more to it than merely playing with a ball.

Heavenly Demon

My honored friend. There is something I wish to ask.

Go ahead.

Heavenly Demon

If I establish a club, will you support it?

Of course.

Without question.

After everything Heavenly Demon had done for me, supporting her team was the least I could do.

Perhaps that sentiment reached her, because her reply was warm.

Heavenly Demon

It pains me that I cannot bring you into the Divine Cult, my honored friend.

I shall take your words to heart.

Thank you.

Heavenly Demon

Do not die before I come to fetch you myself.

Our conversation ended with something close to a well-wish.

Afterward, I checked the time. It was an awkward hour to start doing anything.

'First, I should give Slutty Princess and Starlight Lady their rocks.'

With no word from the dwarf, I figured I might as well make the trades first.

Even if they turned out to be ordinary rocks, it should be fine since I was giving them away.

Starlight Lady

Is this really orichalcum?

I'm not sure myself.

Even if it isn't, it's yours for free.

Starlight Lady

Thank you.

I'll give you a present too.

What kind of present?

Starlight Lady

Cookies. They should be delicious.

Ooh!

First the ice cream last time, and now cookies. I was already looking forward to them.

Besides, hadn't that speed-sloth bastard wolfed down all the ice cream?

I immediately gifted Starlight Lady a rock.

You can verify it too, right, Starlight Lady?

Whether it's orichalcum or not.

Starlight Lady

I'll have to run a test in my workshop, but it shouldn't take long.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, you've been exercising lately, right?

Starlight Lady

Yes.

What kind of exercise?

It was a question that came naturally with nothing but sports posts filling the forum.

Only a few days ago, Starlight Lady had been at death's door.

I'd heard she'd become obsessed with exercise since recovering.

Starlight Lady

A little of everything, really.

I can feel myself building muscle.

Aren't you interested in sports?

Starlight Lady

I prefer working on making my body stronger.

That made sense. She probably had no time to watch sports when she was busy getting in shape.

Besides, it hadn't even been a week since she'd been cured. She would still be in the thick of rehabilitation.

I see.

Were you interested in exercise before you recovered too?

Starlight Lady

No. Back then, all I could think about was when I would die.

Uh...

Starlight Lady

Not anymore, though.

Working up a sweat after strenuous exercise felt truly... refreshing.

She was evolving into a proper gym rat. A positive development.

After listening to a lengthy speech about exercise, I wrapped up the conversation.

She even offered to make me protein supplements later, but I firmly declined.

There were better things lying all around me anyway. I didn't need to accept them.

'If anything, I should be the one giving her something.'

Had I known this would happen, I'd have given Starlight Lady an inner core. I'd give her one the next time I found any.

Anyway, with Starlight Lady's rock delivered, I shared the cookies with the sloth while looking for someone else.

That someone was Slutty Princess, who hadn't made a peep.

I'd been able to trade with Starlight Lady because I'd posted in advance, but Slutty Princess still hadn't responded.

I'd already finished everything else, and sword practice would take too long.

'I'll finish the trade with Slutty Princess first, then either train or make dinner.'

The trade cooldown was cutting it close, too. I'd almost timed it to the limit.

I browsed the forum while waiting for Slutty Princess to send a trade request.

Just as Heavenly Demon had said, rotting undead were popping up all over the forum.

Wondering if this really happened every week, I posted a question.

Does the forum get like this often?

Wild Grylls

Lunatics are coming out of the woodwork. Is it like this every game day?

└Sword Masta No. Every quarter, we often get people who are crazy in a different way.

└Wild Grylls Every quarter? What happens every quarter?

└Sword Masta Academy exams.

└You can learn how the educated make jokes. Look forward to it.

└Most of the posts are about going to kill their professors lol

└???: Exam Material-kun... Something that big won't fit inside me...!!

└???: It won't all fit in my fucking head, goddammit.

└Lmaoooooo

└Lmaooo

People really were the same everywhere.

Apparently all sorts of jokes came out during exam season. I'd have to look them up.

Slutty Princess has requested a trade. Would you like to accept?

While I was browsing the forum, a trade request arrived from Slutty Princess.

Apparently she'd been busy doing something else for a little while. I accepted at once.

Slutty Princess

Hiii!

Sorry I'm a little late! I was getting ready!

Getting ready for what?

Slutty Princess

To watch the match!

I have to train to keep my mind and body calm!

... If it's that bad, wouldn't it be better not to watch at all?

Slutty Princess

Absolutely not!

It's about loyalty! Loyalty!

Well, I could understand it, even if I couldn't relate.

I'd never had the luxury of getting that invested. All I had to do was nod along from the sidelines.

For now, I'll give you the rock we think is orichalcum.

If it turns out to be the real thing, I'll give you more later.

Slutty Princess

Thank yooou!

Is there anything you need?

I'll let you know once we've confirmed it's orichalcum.

I'd already received so much from her. This was where I drew the line.

Slutty Princess seemed to understand how I felt and didn't press the matter.

The match is starting soon, right?

Slutty Princess

Yep! Considering who we're playing, this is a must-win match!

Did you say the highlights would be posted?

Slutty Princess

If what you gave me is orichalcum, I can record the whole match!

Won't you get sued for that?

Slutty Princess

I'll be posting it on the forum. Can they catch me?

Besides, without orichalcum, even posting the highlights would be difficult.

Fair point. Even if she posted it on the forum, there wouldn't be much they could do.

She'd said broadcast magic wasn't perfect and cut out intermittently, so that would be a nuisance.

'Come to think of it, what's the maximum video length?'

I'd only uploaded short videos so far, so I hadn't known, but from what Slutty Princess was saying, it sounded pretty long.

A soccer match lasted about ninety minutes. Did that mean you could upload that much footage?

Curious, I asked her.

How long can videos uploaded to the forum be?

Slutty Princess

There's no limit. But it consumes so much mana that most people can only manage ten minutes.

Does that mean you can manage the full ninety minutes?

Slutty Princess

That's what the orichalcum is for!

It prevents overheating, so you can use it efficiently.

Aha.

I didn't really understand what she meant, but apparently that was how it worked.

If this really did turn out to be orichalcum, perhaps I could find a use for it too.

Slutty Princess

I'd better get going.

Give us a cheer before I go!

Go, Chae U!

You're definitely winning today!

Slutty Princess

Thank yooou, hehe.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if Chae U knew you existed, Grylls?

Then I'll have to cheer even harder.

There was something romantic about it, if you wanted to call it that. A special event for a fan stranded in the wilderness.

Not that it would ever happen. Besides, I had more than enough problems of my own.

After exchanging well-wishes with Slutty Princess, I ended the trade.

With the match starting soon, I stepped outside for a quick look around.

'The smoking is going well. I'd better spread some repellent first.'

I'd been applying snake and insect repellent regularly.

Without it, I could have died out here in the middle of the night.

After taking care of some quick maintenance, I went back into the cave.

I intended to cheer my heart out to repay Slutty Princess.

And the first thing I saw when I opened the forum was...

You fcking motherless sons of whres [25]

Slutty Princess, who had joined the ranks of the undead in that brief span of time.