Chapter 65 - The Undead (2)
12 min read ·
You fcking motherless sons of whres
Slutty Princess
(Video of Chae U conceding a goal in thirty seconds)
Some kind soul gave me orichalcum, so the picture looks better and there's no buffering now, but what's the fcking point? All I get is a high-quality view of us conceding within a minute. Fcking hell.
└Heavenly Demon: Calm yourself. You may succumb to an inner demon at this rate.
└Sword Masta: Hasn't she already succumbed?
└For real. If a registered user who stays in character is acting like this, the inner demon's already got her.
└Lmaooo but how do you even concede like that?
└Passed it straight to the other team's striker lmaooo
└Isn't that keeper from the Satan League? I heard he was good there. What's wrong with him?
└He's been Slutty-fied. Don't worry.
└Slutty Princess: Shut your mouth, pretty please. It's only his first season. Aren't you being too harsh?
└Uh, you're the one who started swearing and insulting their parents.
└Slutty Princess: That version of me is gone now. I've regained my inner peace~
└Look how shameless she is lmao
└Wild Grylls: Um... Are you okay?
└Slutty Princess: Sorry you had to see that ugly side of me~
└Wild Grylls: It's fine. By the way, is it orichalcum?
└Slutty Princess: I installed it without testing it first, but judging by how well it works, it's definitely orichalcum~
It was orichalcum. That fact alone was enough for me.
Going forward, I should probably add orichalcum to my trading list alongside mature mandrakes.
'Though ore probably won't be all that popular.'
Unlike mature mandrakes, which people could eat, orichalcum was tricky to use. At best, they'd use it to prevent overheating like Slutty Princess had.
Still, it was an expensive mineral, so I could trade it for something appropriate.
└King Leor: Classic Slutty lmao. Thanks for the free goal. Buuurp~
└And right on cue, the Leor cricket shows up lmao
└This guy just keeps popping up lol
└Wild Grylls: What's a Leor cricket?
└Leor fans are called Leos. Mash that together with camel crickets and you get Leor crickets.
└Wild Grylls: So it's basically a pet name.
└King Leor: I'd rather you called us Leos, not Leor crickets. Anyway, buddy.
└Wild Grylls: Yes?
└King Leor: You're still supporting Chae U after seeing that mess?
└Wild Grylls: There's a saying where I come from.
└King Leor: What is it?
└Wild Grylls: If our defense concedes three goals, our attack just has to score four.
└Sounds f*cking stupid, but he's got a point...!
└Excellent answer lmaoooo
└That's something a man who's found the truth would say lol
└Slutty Princess: What a wonderful saying~! Stop putting funny ideas in his head and get lost, please~!
└King Leor: I want him more and more. I'm definitely turning him into a Leor cricket. Anything you want?
└Wild Grylls: How about meeting me so we can cheer together? I'll be a Leor fan then.
└King Leor: Dude...
└Lmaoooo
└Oh lol
└That's basically a no lmao
You had to stick to your guns. What was the point of being a fan if you gave up just because your team was weak?
Of all the sports fans I'd seen, very few had voluntarily stopped supporting their teams. Usually it happened when the club did something offensively bad on a nuclear scale—like kicking out a player who was practically the team's symbol because they were short on money.
'I wonder if they have iconic players here too.'
Players who represented not just a team, but an entire era.
But this world had all sorts of races, and demons and elves in particular lived very long lives. Each race might define an "era" differently, which made it a little complicated.
How many years does an athlete's career usually last?
Wild Grylls
There were only humans where I lived, so I'm curious. How does it work for demons and elves?
└Every time I see you, I'm amazed by this persona. Only humans? Lol
└Wild Grylls: I'm telling you, it's true. Anyway, what about demons and elves? Do they play consistently for a hundred years or something?
└Nah, that's incredibly rare. There's surprisingly quick turnover between generations.
└Wild Grylls: Why?
└Their knees. Once your knees are shot, your lifespan doesn't mean jack shit.
└That too, but humans keep developing new tactics, so they fall behind.
└Call it classic if you're being nice, outdated if you're not. That's why they keep losing to humans lately lol
└Wild Grylls: Aha.
└Plus, humans have insanely high peaks, so they make a fucking huge impact. One crazy human scored over a hundred goals in a season.
└What's that guy doing these days?
└Probably enjoying retirement? Rumor has it he was even knighted.
└Let's Grow Trees: We elves are working hard to keep up too! Lots of elves are playing in Mephisto lately!
└You mean the guys caught planting trees there?
└Weren't they deported for that? Lol
└Nope, they were really good players, so they got off with suspended sentences. Being good at sports gets you forgiven for anything, huh...
└Still, it's weird to see stuffy elves enjoying sports.
└Since taking the throne, the elf queen's been working her ass off to open up their culture. Problem is, she keeps going too far lmao
└There can't be many rulers with highs and lows as extreme as the elf queen's lol
That was the gist of it.
Still, demons and elves had longer youths to match their longer lifespans, so their athletic careers lasted longer too. Humans, on the other hand, had such high peaks that they were the closest thing to a guarantee of a championship, they explained.
'So that's why you don't hear many complaints about inequality.'
Each race had clear strengths and weaknesses. Things like this really drove home how people were much the same wherever you went.
Honestly, Grylls pretending he knows sports is fucking disgusting
"Hm?"
I'd been watching the highlights Slutty Princess was uploading for a while when a title caught my eye. It didn't particularly bother me, but curiosity made me click it immediately.
Honestly, Grylls pretending he knows sports is fucking disgusting
If you're serious, post one killer joke. Then I'll accept you as a true sports fan.
└Wild Grylls: I'm just a casual fan who watches for fun. Sorry if I upset you.
└Hey, you're making me look bad here... Anyway, give us a joke.
└Lmao he still won't give up on the joke
└Didn't this guy see the one earlier? If you concede three, just score four lmaooo
└That was soccer. We need a baseball joke too.
└Wild Grylls: Okay, hang on a sec.
Well, that was easy. Where I came from, we had an entire internet, not just a forum.
All kinds of bizarre jokes flew around there. I just had to pick one that had stuck with me.
???: Please put it in.
(Photo of a fan clutching his head and sobbing)
Put the ball in the strike zone, for fuck's sake!!!
└LMAOOOOOOOO
└Lmaoooooo
└He came up with that on the spot? Lmaoooo
└Thought it was porn from the title lol
└Is this guy insane lmaooo
└Don't Abandon the Hero: Ah! I thought this was pornography, but it wasn't!
└Wild Grylls: I don't have many pictures. Even that one was something I found browsing the forum.
└Don't Abandon the Hero: Could you make your forum photo album public?!
└Wild Grylls: Sorry.
└Lmaoooo
└This bastard's saved a few lol
Honestly, how could anyone resist? You weren't a man if you could.
Especially with races other than humans here. How could I not be interested?
... Except for dwarves and beastfolk.
The picture from back then was still vivid in my mind, and I shook my head hard as it resurfaced.
Elixir could heal physical wounds, but mental scars were difficult to cure even with that.
Chae U vs. Leor: Chae U in Serious Trouble! But Elicto Makes the Save!
Chae U vs. Leor: Chae U in Danger Again! Deflects off Subis and Out!
Chae U vs. Leor: Kares Scores a Wonder Goooal!!! Chae U Concedes Again!
While I'd been distracted, Chae U had given away another goal. They'd conceded thirty seconds in, then again ten minutes later.
Incidentally, Slutty Princess was the one uploading the match footage. The fact that she kept doggedly posting even when her team conceded spoke volumes about her mental fortitude.
Chae U vs. Leor: Kares Scores a Wonder Goooal!!! Chae U Concedes Again!
Slutty Princess
(Video of them conceding a spectacular long-range shot)
F*cking morons.
Or not. Maybe she'd broken down so completely she'd attained enlightenment.
I felt pretty sorry for her, but there was nothing I could do except keep watching the videos she uploaded. I knew nothing about soccer tactics. I was strictly a casual fan.
'Doesn't it seem like they're doing nothing but defending?'
From the footage, all Chae U seemed to do was scramble to defend. Why not become the kind of team I'd described, scoring four even if they conceded three?
Well, as I'd said, there was nothing I could do but cheer them on.
Chae U vs. Leor: Stoppage Time Ends. Leor Leads by Two.
Slutty Princess
(Video of the players heading into the locker rooms)
Wow, the picture quality sure is fucking great~ Hehe.
Fuck.
└Can't hide that rage lmaooo
└Seriously though, the picture and sound are way better. Is this the power of orichalcum?
└I want some orichalcum too...
└Upvote if you want Grylls to give some away lol
└I'll start lmao
Not a chance. No deal unless they gave me something good.
Besides, I couldn't help being more suspicious when trading with other registered users from now on. The ones I'd already traded with had helped me from the start without asking for anything.
More importantly, I could buy most things at the auction house, so I was going to be fairly picky.
Chaemes United Signs Kios for 100 Billion Yura!
Moron
???: Did they forget to save?
It's too early to be disappointed.
Once halftime started, all kinds of jokes flooded the forum. This felt familiar.
I chuckled at a few of the posts. Who was it who'd said that terrible teams had an aura all their own? That aura had been elevated into comedy, spawning joke after joke.
King Leor has requested a trade. Would you like to accept?
"Huh?"
Something unexpected happened while I was browsing the forum. King Leor, who argued with Slutty Princess at every opportunity, had sent me a trade request.
I blinked, wondering what he wanted, and clicked accept. I might not have done so for a complete stranger, but he was a registered user I recognized.
King Leor
Hello there.
You accepted!
Hello.
What can I do for you?
King Leor
Well... I was wondering if you might have any orichalcum left...?
Apparently, he was after orichalcum. Even his tone was impeccably polite.
I could more or less guess why, but let it pass.
I do have some. Do you use broadcast magic too, Leor?
King Leor
After seeing the videos Slutty posted, I just couldn't resist...
He'd been having the time of his life teasing her, but apparently he'd been jealous inside.
Still, at least he was being honest about it. He wasn't a particularly bad guy, just a die-hard fan. His occasional teasing of Slutty Princess could be chalked up to fan rivalry.
I can't give it away for free.
Do you have anything you could offer me?
King Leor
I suppose a jersey wouldn't do?
Sorry, but I'm a Chae U fan.
I don't think that would work.
Trying to get something for nothing? Get lost.
... That was what I wanted to say, but I held it in. I didn't know what else he might offer yet.
Besides, King Leor didn't seem particularly disappointed. Apparently, he'd just been testing the waters.
King Leor
Then how about a crystal orb inscribed with a Light spell?
What's that?
King Leor
Exactly what it sounds like.
Tap the orb a few times and it automatically produces a Light spell.
I thought you might need one, Grylls?
No, no.
I was asking what a Light spell is.
There was no reply for a while after that question.
I knew nothing about magic, so I had no choice but to ask.
King Leor
Just think of it as a spell that shines a bright light.
A little ball floats above it and lights up the surroundings.
And you're offering me that?
Isn't it expensive?
King Leor
It's a little expensive, but for the sake of broadcast magic...
May I ask what race you are...?
King Leor
Just a middle-aged demon who likes soccer.
It was a win-win deal. I accepted his offer.
Having a Light spell would be a huge help when exploring places like caves. Since I knew absolutely nothing about magic, this was an excellent trade.
King Leor
It activates as soon as you put mana in, so it shouldn't be hard to use.
Thank you.
King Leor
Before we finish, could you give me just one "Go Leor"?
Sorry, haha...
King Leor
Sob.
The trade ended there, and I immediately checked what I'd received.
"Hm?"
But the guy—no, the demon—had sent a jersey along too.
Chae U's jersey had a white base, and so did Leor's. The difference was that Leor's had stripes. The animal on its crest was a hawk rather than a deer, too.
'Now that's dedication.'
I chuckled and put the jersey away carefully. I didn't make a post about it.
Slutty Princess might feel betrayed if I did. We'd never even seen each other's faces, but I didn't want to betray someone who'd helped me.
Chae U vs. Leor: Halftime Ends. Leor Kicks Off
Apparently halftime had ended while I was trading.
Chae U vs. Leor: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And Slutty Princess's sanity crumbled.
I clicked to see what had happened. They'd conceded again as soon as play resumed.
Naturally, the comments were going wild. King Leor's was the highlight.
└King Leor: Don't worry so much, Slutty. Now you just need to score four lol
└Slutty Princess: You f*cking bitch.
└Lmaooooo
└?????: If our defense concedes three goals, our attack just has to score four.
└Perfect opportunity to prove it lmao
└Believe in Grylls!
How was he so good at getting under someone's skin?
But a three-goal gap in soccer effectively meant you were being crushed. You might as well cut your losses and prepare for the next match.
'Well, maybe they really will score four.'
Slutty Princess would watch to the end without giving up. I kept checking her posts too.
And perhaps the hopes of all those Chae U fans brought about an upset.
Chae U vs. Leor: Kone Pulls One Back!
They pulled a goal back.
Chae U vs. Leor: Kone Scores Again! Chae U Closes the Gap to One!
They didn't stop there, scoring another to close the gap.
Chae U vs. Leor: A Hat Trick for Kone! Chae U Equalizes with a Wonder Goal!!!
At last, they drew level. And then...
Chae U vs. Leor: Chae U Takes the Lead in Stoppage Tiii—AAAAARGHAAAH!!
Slutty Princess
(Video of a player taking off his shirt to celebrate the go-ahead goal)
Daaaaamn it!!! I belieeeeved in yoooouuu~!!!
└Holy shit, they actually did it lmaooo
└Those Slutty bastards are fully charged on dopamine lmao
└Who are these guys? Why are they suddenly so good? Lmao
└They ditched defending and went all in on attack, and they're actually scoring everything lol
└?????: If our defense concedes three goals, our attack just has to score four.
└We worship you, O Prophet.
└It really was a prophecy lmaooo
└Concede three, score four lmaoooo
A miracle had happened.