Chapter 67 - The Undead (4)

Chaemes United's comeback win was certainly good news, but as I'd said before, I was only a casual fan. Slutty Princess returning from the ranks of the undead meant more to me than the victory itself. People occasionally came on pilgrimages to my comment, but I didn't pay them much attention.

'It's pretty weird that my comment became a holy site.'

Back on Earth, people called posts that predicted the future holy sites, too. It was fascinating that this world not only had the same term, but even the same custom of visiting and leaving comments. Was it because religion existed here?

Anyway, while Chae U posts flooded the forum, I did my chores. Evening was approaching, so I prepared dinner, checked on the smoked meat, and so on. Lastly, I checked whether any fish had entered the trap.

SPLASH! SPLASH!

There was one fish in the trap. I'd caught one in just five hours. And it was a striking golden fish, the kind that tasted better than the red ones.

'One fish trap, and I don't have to worry about food anymore.'

They even tasted so good that I never got tired of them. Frankly, complaining about getting tired of food would be a luxury. Just a week ago, hadn't I been chewing on those bitter fasting pills? I might be catching fish regularly now, but one little slipup could send me straight back to living on pills.

'Come to think of it, it's been almost ten days already.'

Today was day eight, and tomorrow would be day nine. Thanks to the forum, I'd adapted astonishingly quickly, but I couldn't let my guard down. Like that saber-toothed tiger attack, there was no telling what might turn up, or when or where.

'Just today, some chicken was looking down at me.'

If we'd actually fought, I suspected its beak might have knocked my head clean off.

Once I returned to the hideout, I put the fish in the metal drum. Then I headed back up to the river and set the trap again. With all of that done, I checked what everyone was doing.

"Kyuuu..."

"..."

Roundfur was awake, and the speed-sloth was staring blankly into space like an idiot. It was getting dark, so I figured I'd browse the forum for a bit.

Mr. Grylls. Please leave a comment if you see this.

I'd searched to see if anyone had mentioned my name, and found a post from Allfather. It seemed to be about the heart, so I replied without delay.

└Wild Grylls: Hello, Allfather. What's the matter?

└Allfather: I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?

└Wild Grylls: Um... the bad news?

└Allfather: The heart burst.

└Wild Grylls: Professor?

That was rather startling. The heart had been perfectly fine when I sent it, and now it had burst? Had there been an explosion?

└Wild Grylls: You're not hurt, are you? A heart exploding sounds really dangerous;;

└Allfather: It didn't burst in that sense. It simply burst, quite literally.

└Wild Grylls: Pardon?

└Allfather: It didn't explode like a bomb. It merely popped, like a balloon.

└What the hell did you do to make it pop?

└Did you actually pump air into it like a balloon?

└Why would he run that experiment? He's not a fucking idiot lol

└How about I stick a hose up your asshole and pump some air in? See what happens?

└Allfather: Don't. Your colon will rupture and you will die.

└Holy shit...

└How do you know that? Don't tell me...?

└Allfather: I tested it by shoving one up a goblin's backside.

└Poor goblin...

└Of all the people to get caught by, it had to be a weirdo...

We'd gotten sidetracked, but that didn't change the fact that the heart had burst. How did I feel about that? Honestly, I didn't feel much of anything. I hadn't given it to him expecting a reward, and I hadn't known what to do with it anyway.

└Wild Grylls: But you aren't hurt, right?

└Allfather: Correct. Still, I destroyed your generous gift through my own carelessness, so I would like to compensate you.

└Wild Grylls: It's fine. It wasn't any use to me anyway.

└Allfather: My conscience won't let it rest. I can at least share a few important findings with you.

└Wild Grylls: I don't know if they'll be useful to me, but let's hear the results first. Should I make this a private post?

└Allfather: It doesn't matter. This place is full of fools who won't believe me anyway.

└Nah, I'll believe you. Go on.

└You serious?

└Nope, lying lol

└Figures lmao

└Wild Grylls: Just ignore those morons and tell me.

└Allfather: To give you the conclusion first, the saber-toothed tiger heart you provided had exactly the same structure as a dragon heart.

I'd heard what a dragon heart was. Basically a biological nuclear bomb, wasn't it? It contained immense quantities of mana, which made it a real bitch to process. Allfather had said he'd consumed one, though I wasn't sure whether that was true.

└You're a fraud, aren't you? How does that make any sense? Got proof?

└Allfather: Believe it or not, as you please. I can't be bothered to explain.

└You can't explain because you're bullshitting lmao

└Aren't there only a handful of people who've studied dragon hearts anyway?

└There are plenty of papers. Long-lived races like demons and elves kill them fairly often.

└No humans?

└They say Kadir killed one single-handedly and used it for research. Dunno what happened after that.

└Wild Grylls: Who's Kadir now?

└He's called the Mage King. Just think of him as a crazy-strong old man.

└Didn't he defeat the Undying King after killing the dragon?

└Pretty sure he defeated and sealed the Undying King. Apparently nobody knows where, though.

└Plot twist: he's keeping him in his fridge at home lmao

└Fuck off, at least make it believable lmaooo

Anyway, he was really fucking strong. Got it. Would someone like that use the forum...? Sure, why not? Heavenly Demon used it when she was lonely, after all. Anyone could enjoy the forum, regardless of status.

└Wild Grylls: So it was a tiger with a dragon heart? Is that even possible?

└Allfather: That is something I wonder about myself. What changes has the Forest of Four Seasons brought about in its creatures?

└Wild Grylls: That sounds ominous.

└Allfather: You may undergo similar changes yourself, Grylls.

"Hmm..."

I let out a troubled hum. That wasn't exactly a reassuring hypothesis. Evolution didn't happen overnight, but you never really knew what life might throw at you. If I noticed any changes, I'd better tell Allfather.

└Wild Grylls: I'll keep that in mind. Anything else?

└Allfather: There is, but it would be of no help to you. Also, I would like to give you something.

└Wild Grylls: What is it?

└Allfather: Let's continue this conversation in a trade.

Before long, a trade request came from Allfather, and I readily accepted. I couldn't help feeling a little tense, since this sounded like it would be important.

Allfather

The item I would like to give you is an extradimensional bag.

It is compensation for the item you gave me.

An extradimensional bag?

What's that?

Allfather

Think of it as a bag that disregards spatial limitations.

It looks small on the outside, but you can put a great many things inside.

It sounded more or less like a game inventory. I was impressed. Having that alone would make life overwhelmingly more convenient. But nothing in life was ever that simple: Allfather went on to explain the bag's restrictions.

Allfather

However, you cannot put living creatures inside, and it cannot ignore the law of conservation of mass. You will have to bear the weight yourself.

What about taking things out?

Allfather

Simply picture the item you want, and you should be able to retrieve it easily.

I understand.

That's more than enough for me.

But isn't this incredibly expensive?

Allfather

It is worth less than the heart you gave me.

Please accept it as a token of my apology.

All right.

I'll put it to good use.

Allfather

Thank you for agreeing to the trade.

If you discover any interesting plants or animals, please give me the opportunity to study them.

Oh, and I would prefer that you avoid mentioning that I gave you this.

I take it you have your reasons. Understood.

Apparently, he'd given me this because he didn't want to lose his connection with me. His help was essential to me, too, since I couldn't identify the plants and animals without him.

'This works like a game inventory?'

What Allfather had given me was closer to a pouch than a bag. I peeked inside, but there was no bottom in sight, only pitch-black darkness.

I wondered what to put inside to test it, then picked up one of the countless rocks lying around outside. It was far too large to fit into the tiny pouch. This would do for an experiment.

It slipped right in.

"Oh?"

The rock had entered the pouch with ease, and now it was heavy.

He'd said it couldn't ignore the law of conservation of mass, and sure enough, I could feel the rock's full weight. It was an item that took convenience to the extreme, not one that transcended all limitations.

'Still, this is fantastic.'

With this, I could carry my crossbow around. That was its biggest advantage. Allfather had given me an excellent gift, one that would be incredibly useful.

'I'll still have to carry the sword and shield normally, though.'

Heavenly Demon's sword, in particular, was so sharp that I might cut my hand. And I might need the shield at a moment's notice, so I planned to carry it on my back. The pouch would be useful regardless, since I could store all kinds of things in it, not just the crossbow.

'Where did he get something like this? Is this magic, too?'

I wanted to ask Allfather, but he'd asked me to avoid discussing it. I didn't know why, but he probably had personal reasons. There was no need to pry.

After testing various things with the extradimensional pouch, I smiled in satisfaction.

'I won't run out of hands anymore.'

This was an incredible haul. The tiger heart hadn't been much use to me anyway. I played around with the extradimensional pouch some more, then carefully set it down. Tearing it would be a huge loss.

'Time to have dinner.'

Dinner was the fish I'd just caught, the golden kind with that wonderfully delicious texture. I'd gotten reasonably good at cleaning fish, so the preparation went smoothly.

'How long will I keep finding these?'

I stored the inner core I found while gutting it in the empty bottle. At this rate, I might fill it up before long. It wasn't impossible if I kept eating fish.

"Here, Roundfur. Have a bite."

"Kyu!"

With a hearty dinner finished, all that remained was cultivation practice. A strange sensation lingered in my body, perhaps because I'd also taken the medicine Allfather had given me.

'Cultivation is one thing, but controlling aura is important, too.'

My aura still merely shimmered like a heat haze, unable to take a definite form. According to Sword Masta, forming an aura blade and anything beyond that came down to talent.

'Well, I haven't even been using mana for a month, have I?'

Tomorrow would be day nine. And I'd started the internal energy cultivation method around day six or seven. Each day felt incredibly long, but not much time had actually passed. Rushing for no reason might only put my goal further out of reach, so I'd just make gradual progress.

CRACKLE! CRACKLE! POP!

"..."

I stared blankly at the vigorously dancing campfire. With me not speaking, the cave was utterly quiet. The speed-sloth never spoke to begin with, and Roundfur simply sat beside me.

I gently stroked his head.

"Kyuu..."

Roundfur leaned against me, purring at my touch. At some point, the speed-sloth had climbed onto my back. Strangely, it didn't feel heavy at all.

With the two of them still there, I opened the forum. I didn't have anything else to do, so I might as well read it. Maybe that would soothe this inexplicably gloomy feeling.

Know why we lose?

Suspiciously

(Photo of a man smacking his forehead)

Because we played a game!

└Lmaoooo

└A sage! A sage has appeared!

└Did the Loser Tigers lose again?

└Suspiciously: We could've won, but one walk-off homer did us in. Seriously want to beat them all with a bat lol

└Lmaoooo this is why I watch sports

The forum, which Chae U had taken over, was already full of a new batch of undead. I chuckled at the sight, but then a question occurred to me.

'Is the time the same everywhere in this world?'

The forum was full of people who didn't distinguish between night and day, which confused my sense of time. Even in another world, different regions should have different times. If it was daytime in one place, it would be nighttime somewhere else.

'Should I ask...? No need. What good would asking do?'

The Forest of Four Seasons mattered more to me.

I browsed around the forum for a while, then quietly closed it. Another round of cultivation would be better than pointlessly scrolling.

'I should work on keeping the method running during everyday activities, too.'

And so an eventful day came to an end.