Chapter 9 - Forest of Four Seasons (4)

My mind was empty.

Because I wasn't thinking about anything.

Ever since returning to the cave, I'd been staring blankly into space. I couldn't believe the reality of my situation. I desperately wished it were a dream.

But nothing changed as time passed. This godforsaken place was the Forest of Four Seasons, and I'd woken up here.

How could I not lose my mind? As a result, I'd spent the whole day writing shitposts filled with despair and sorrow on the forum.

The five stages of dying, live

[Quit bullshitting me. I'll look around some more.]

Denial

[Why me? Fuck, what did I ever do wrong?]

Anger

[Anyone willing to come get me if I become your slave for life?]

Bargaining

[Please send me home. I want the leftover kimchi stew from yesterday.]

Depression

Yep, those are actual posts Grylls has been writing in real time.

Only acceptance left now.

└Lmaoooo

└Lmaoooo

└It's science lol

└What's kimchi stew?

└Dunno?

└Starlight Lady How awful... Living on borrowed time, just like me...

└Not exactly borrowed time

└Starlight Lady What, then?

└Could drop dead like a fly?

└Lmaoooo

└Not wrong lmao

└Starlight Lady You're really mean.

One user had even kindly put together a timeline. I couldn't help chuckling at it.

Actually, I'd been thinking it was about time to move on to acceptance. Sitting around like this wouldn't help anything.

I didn't know why I had to suffer here, but I couldn't keep running away from reality.

'There has to be some way out... right? Surely there is.'

The forum had told me that the entire Forest of Four Seasons was a barrier. Even if you broke through one barrier, another appeared, and at some point the one you'd broken regenerated in a different pattern.

That applied underground and in the sky, too, not just on the surface. It was why anyone who entered could never leave.

'First, I need to figure out how far this patch of forest extends.'

I should get a proper look at my surroundings in case I ended up settling here. Getting lost with my cave right under my nose would be an absolute farce.

The problem was that this sort of farce happened all the time. I needed to be careful.

'Let's go to the river first. I'd better check whether I can drink the water.'

I'd been too distraught to check yesterday. I'd felt so overwhelmed I wanted to cry.

Water in a forest should generally be drinkable. What I wanted to check was what lived in it. This place was crawling with freakish creatures, from anaconda-sized snakes to bears the size of houses. Why would the water be safe?

Man-eating fish wouldn't be surprising. Getting a drink could kill me.

'If I can drink it, I can make this cave my home.'

Two days had passed, and aside from the mad dog that originally owned it, nothing had come by.

An owlbear had come close, sure, but let's set that aside. I'd made a quick getaway.

Besides, the place was easy to defend, so I would probably stay here unless something came up.

'Should I just stay put and live off the fasting pills?'

That needed some thought. I mulled it over as I stood up.

For now, I'd head to the river. I could think about it when I got back. Or hold a poll on the forum. For the record, I'd set it so only registered users could vote.

There were far too many people whose attitude was, "Not my problem, why should I give a shit?" That wasn't collective intelligence. It was collective brainlessness.

WHOOOOOSH

"Wow. What the hell?"

The instant I reached the stream I'd scouted yesterday, I couldn't help exclaiming.

Was there a dangerous beast? No.

A man-eating fish? Not that, either.

It was the view across the stream. As recently as yesterday, it had definitely been a desert.

Guys, check this out.

Wild Grylls

(Photo of a snowy mountain across the stream)

Yesterday it was a desert. Today it's a snowy mountain.

What'll it be tomorrow? Haha

└Forest of Four Seasons confirmed! Case closed!

└Wait... what even is that?

└Wow... What do you even say to this?

└Starlight Lady Just offer some encouragement.

└Sword Masta Pardon me, but you're not a criminal, are you?

└Wild Grylls Does stealing from my mom's wallet as a kid count?

└Sword Masta Didn't you say you were an orphan?

└Wild Grylls She used to be alive...

└Sword Masta Oh... I'm sorry.

└Wild Grylls It's fine, I'm used to it

└Sword Masta I stole from my mother's wallet too, haha...

└Wild Grylls What are you waiting for? Get in here already

└Sword Masta I'm busy with work.

└Wild Grylls What work?

└Sword Masta Home security, haha.

└So you're just unemployed lmao

└Lmaoooo

└Seriously, what's Grylls gonna do?

└Hell if I know anymore lol

└Survive on your own

└Shouldn't we give him disaster relief money? lol

└Heavenly Demon What a beautiful mountain.

└Slutty Princess Right? Just like my face hehe

└Heavenly Demon ?

└?

└?

└?

└Slutty Princess What, fuckers? Got a problem? Fight me then~

└Heavenly Demon Where do you live?

Now the place even had an official stamp of approval. I let out a hollow laugh.

What had been a desert across the stream yesterday was now a mountain blanketed in pure white snow.

Had I come to the wrong place? That didn't make sense, either. A snowy mountain next to a desert?

And the boundary was distinct. It wasn't a gradual transition—the entire environment changed at the stream.

'Is someone fucking with me?'

I sighed and approached the stream. Judging by the abundance of minnows, the water quality seemed good.

A silver lining, at least. I'd have to bring the water bottle Heavenly Demon gave me next time.

Still, I'd better check to be safe. First, the depth.

SPLASH

The moment I dipped my hand in, confusion registered before the coolness. For a second, I thought something was wrong with my eyes.

But the farther I lowered my arm, the deeper it went. My hand couldn't reach the bottom. The water was so clear that it was much deeper than it looked.

'This should be enough.'

Still, it wasn't terribly deep. I could cross it if I wanted to.

Of course, with a snowy mountain on the other side, there was no reason to. Not unless I wanted to kill myself.

"Ribbit."

"Huh?"

As I pulled my arm out of the river, a strange sound reached my ears. It sounded close, so its source had to be nearby. I turned toward it.

"Ribbit."

"... A frog?"

A frog—a golden one, at that—was sitting on a rock in the middle of the river.

Whatever else it might be, its gleaming golden body made it seem especially dangerous. Creatures with vivid colors like that usually carried poison.

I'd better move away. Poison was one thing I absolutely had to avoid. Even without poison, something the size of a small dog was creepy enough.

"Haaack!"

"Huh? Wha...?"

Just as I was about to leave, the golden frog did something unexpected. It stood proudly on its two long legs, then tilted its head back.

It made a sound like a person hawking up phlegm, then whipped its head forward.

"Ptooey!!"

FWIP!

Sticky liquid shot from the frog's mouth like a bullet, straight at my face.

Startled, I barely managed to move. The sticky golden liquid skimmed past me, narrowly missing, and struck the middle of a tree behind me.

HISSSSS!!

"Holy shit."

The sight of the tree melting drew an exclamation from me. Was it acid rather than deadly poison?

But there was no time to marvel. The frog was already tilting its head back to reload.

Getting out of here came first. I bolted before it could spit.

"Ptoo!"

"Aagh!"

Another near miss. If I hadn't ducked, it would have hit the back of my head.

Thankfully, the frog didn't chase me. It seemed to consider the river its territory.

"Hah... Hah..."

After running for my life back to the cave, I stood panting. What the hell was I going through all this for?

I'd finally found clean water, only to have to tiptoe around a damn frog. It was ridiculous.

'The river's too deep to get close to it, too...'

A bow would be nice, but that was out of the question. I didn't even know how to use one.

The thing hadn't been there yesterday. Had it appeared because I put my hand in the water today?

I wasn't sure I'd be able to drink the water at all. Worst case, the frog might spit into the river.

Guys, I found a golden frog.

Wild Grylls

No pics, I was busy running away

This fucker spits acid. Anyone know what it is?

└An acid-spitting frog? What the hell kind of frog is that lmao

└Even for the Forest of Four Seasons, that's a pretty big lie lol

└No pics means 99% chance it's bullshit, yep

└Allfather Did you happen to find it in a river?

Amid all the useless questions, a registered user posted one. Allfather.

Allfather only dropped a comment and disappeared once in a blue moon, and rarely posted anything. What few posts there were dealt with magic or alchemy. Most were full of technical jargon, so I'd ignored them.

Sort of a professor type. Since Allfather generally spoke politely, I responded in kind.

└Wild Grylls Yes, I found it in a river. It started spitting as soon as I put my hand in.

└Allfather How large was it?

└Wild Grylls About the size of a puppy.

└Allfather It seems to have grown larger in the Forest of Four Seasons. Normally, they're about the size of a finger joint.

└Wild Grylls Do you know what it is?

└Allfather Yes. Its formal scientific name is the golden poison frog. It's a rare species found only in clear water, and its poison is so potent that many have died attempting to capture one. Please be careful.

└Wild Grylls It's poison, not acidic spit...?

└Allfather That's simply how potent its poison is.

This place really had every imaginable kind of animal. A frog that spat poison strong enough to rival acid?

What's more, the entire river was a natural fortress for it. It was practically an archer firing arrows from atop a castle wall.

'All I want is to drink water in peace...'

If I kept showing up, it might start openly waiting for me. That would be a serious problem.

As I pondered this, notifications kept going off. Lately, it felt like every post I made attracted all kinds of comments.

└Allfather If you capture the golden poison frog, I will give you 20,000 gold. I'd like to study it.

└Isn't that just a roundabout way of telling him to go die?

└Fr lol

└I'll give you 50,000 gold if you catch it lmao

└Wild Grylls I do have to catch it... Otherwise I can't drink water... Could you offer any other advice?

└Allfather I'm sorry, but it's so rare that the academic community knows nothing about it. All I know is that it's mainly active in the morning. You may need an antidote.

└Then just go get water in the evening

└Wild Grylls Evening's more dangerous...

└What comes out?

└Wild Grylls That's why it's dangerous. I don't know what'll come out

There wasn't a workable strategy, either. In the end, I'd have to figure it out myself.

This was the hurdle I had to clear to secure drinking water. I'd need to prepare thoroughly.

'Before that, I should return the compasses.'

I planned to return all of them to their original owners except the one Heavenly Demon gave me.

First, I put up a post for everyone to see, then sent trade requests five minutes later. The first went to Starlight Lady.

Maybe it was because this user practically lived on the forum, but the request was accepted immediately.

Hello.

I sent a request to return your compass.

Starlight Lady

Oh, yes!

You really don't have to return it...

The one Heavenly Demon gave me is enough.

It's hard to carry the rest around.

Starlight Lady

All right. Let's both hang in there.

Thank you. I hope you get well soon.

It seemed this person really was ill. Kind, too.

Next was All Hail the Sun, the registered user I suspected was a dark elf.

Hello.

I sent a trade request to return your compass.

All Hail the Sun

Keep it.

Still, I have a conscience. I should return it.

All Hail the Sun

I don't take chump change like that.

Wild Grylls: Uh...

So casual it was almost embarrassing. Still, a favor deserved repayment.

When I said I'd repay the kindness if I found anything good later, I received a curious response.

All Hail the Sun

I like you.

Need anything else?

Looks like you need a shield?

I do, but I'll pay for that.

I sold that steelscale snake or whatever it's called.

All Hail the Sun

I don't take chump change like that.

Wait... You're a dark elf, right?

All Hail the Sun

Yep

Are all dark elves rich?

The dark elves I knew were the polar opposite of elves. They shared the same roots but had entirely different dispositions.

Unlike peace-loving elves, they didn't shy away from dirty tricks, though they still had lines they wouldn't cross. Their philosophy was closer to building strength for the sake of peace. Perhaps because of that, they were a little lacking in social skills.

Of course, that was what I knew. I shouldn't project my own standards onto this world.

Even the elves here were a far cry from peaceful, weren't they? They were steeped in imperialism.

All Hail the Sun

There are plenty of rich ones, sure?

Setan has gold and resources coming out of its ears.

Isn't that common knowledge?

I'm from another world, so I don't really know.

All Hail the Sun

Wasn't that just your persona?

But it's truuue...

It didn't matter whether anyone believed me. I was stuck in a forest where I couldn't meet anyone anyway, so where I came from meant nothing.

Perhaps All Hail the Sun realized that, too, because the conversation moved on without fuss.

All Hail the Sun

Anyway, dark elves are gentler and kinder than those insane, stuffy old elves.

Okay?

You sound pretty insistent. Was it different in the past?

All Hail the Sun

It used to be the opposite.

But once we settled in the desert and got rich, people mellowed out.

We used to be nasty because all we ever got was discrimination.

That's realistic.

All Hail the Sun

Don't underestimate us, though.

Surviving in the desert made us damn good at fighting, if nothing else.

I have no intention of doing that.

Anything in particular I should be careful about?

All Hail the Sun

Call us darkies and you're dead.

No, we'll curse you to death.

So roughly the same position as black people on Earth? Cheerful most of the time, but scary once you pissed them off.

Here it went beyond racial discrimination to discrimination against entire species, so I needed to be careful.

'I'll have to read up on it gradually.'

Anonymous or not, making openly racist remarks wasn't my style.

Besides, I needed to build goodwill. Making everyone dislike me would only hurt me in the end.

All Hail the Sun has listed an item for trade.

All Hail the Sun

I'll give you this, so send me something good for my health if you find any.

We're running out of time. Hurry up and accept.

Thank you. I won't forget this kindness.

All Hail the Sun

Sure. Take care of yourself.

Was everyone on the forum kind? Or just the registered users?

I ended my connection with All Hail the Sun and immediately checked what had been sent.

"...?"

I couldn't help being taken aback. The item gleamed with dazzling brilliance.

It looked more or less like a shield, but its entire surface was covered in gold.

A literal golden shield. How absurdly rich did you have to be to send something like this?

'... Will it actually work well?'

I examined the gleaming golden shield from every angle, then strapped it on. It was lighter than expected and comfortable to wear, but I should test how sturdy it was.

Not with Heavenly Demon's sword, though. I'd probably only end up damaging it.

'Is Slutty Princess next?'

What a distinctive name. The username alone suggested a woman.

But ninety percent of the people who lived on the forum weren't normal. What kind of person would this one be?

Hello.

I sent a request to return your compass.

Slutty Princess

Hellooo.

You can just keep it~

I got much the same answer as from All Hail the Sun: no need for the compass.

Were there really nothing but kind people here? Thinking it over, though, perhaps it was only natural.

These were the people who'd willingly offered me compasses as soon as I posted. All the more reason to strengthen our relationships.

I have a conscience. I should return it.

Especially since I have nothing to give you right now.

Slutty Princess

Then cheer for our Chae U~

That'll be plenty~

I don't know much about this world. What kind of team is Chae U?

I knew this world had things resembling sports, but I didn't know what kinds.

It was an entirely different world with all sorts of different species. They would be nothing like what I knew.

Slutty Princess

Oh my gosh! You don't know Chaemes United, the most famous club in Mephisto, with tradition to spare?!

You've missed out on half your life~!

The remaining half is hanging by a thread.

Slutty Princess

Oops! Sorryyy! You could drop dead like a fly, couldn't you~!

It was true, but hearing it put so bluntly made me sad. How had my life come to this?

Just as Slutty Princess's bluntness was starting to get me down, a notification appeared.

Slutty Princess has listed an item for trade.

Slutty Princess

I'm giving you these, so you're a Chae U fan from now on~

What did you send?

Slutty Princess

Jerseys for their biggest stars, Neves and Vannir!

The fabric's good, so wear them around. I'll send two home jerseys and two away jerseys~

Oh. Right...

I felt a little awkward about it. Still, I'd needed clothes, so the timing was good.

Soap wasn't a problem since I'd buy that myself, but I needed something to wear while my laundry dried.

I could still manage for now, but the longer this went on, the more I'd need clothes.

Slutty Princess

Chaemes United boasts a full two hundred years of history.

I guarantee you'll fall head over heels for them soon, Grylls~

First I'll check whether it's a sport I know.

It might be different from what I'm familiar with.

Anyway, thank you so much for the clothes.

Slutty Princess

You're very welcome~

But there's one thing I need to ask.

What's that?

Slutty Princess

There's a knockoff called Chaemes City. Please ignore them!

Their team runs on Setan's filthy gold money.

No tradition. None at all~

"..."

Why did a stranger feel so familiar? A hollow laugh escaped me.

Slutty Princess ended the conversation by saying she'd post a highlight video later and that I should watch it to soothe my mind.

Once the conversation ended, I checked the clothes she'd sent. They were jerseys with names emblazoned across them.

'I don't know what language this is.'

Unfortunately, I couldn't read the names. Hadn't someone said the forum had an automatic translation function?

The crest on the chest looked pretty cool, though. Just as she'd said, it had an air of rich tradition.

Beyond the design, the nice blend of white and blue looked pretty, too. They weren't ideal colors for the wilderness, but clothes were what I needed most, so that was fine.

'The material's nice, too.'

The fabric was also very stretchy. It looked like it would come in handy in all sorts of ways.

After a brief smile, I went straight back to the forum to check the posts. Slutty Princess had said she'd be posting soon, so I planned to leave a comment thanking her.

Chaemes United Highlight Compilation

The instant I saw the post, I clicked without hesitation.

"Huh?"

My eyes went wide as I watched the video she'd uploaded.

'This is soccer, isn't it?'

Why did soccer exist here?

'Does that mean they have baseball, too?'

There were occasional lunatics on the forum. Could that be why?