Chapter 17 - Seven Days and Nights of the Midnight Sun - 4

Another day passed.

Once again, Renée walked with the sound of footsteps following behind her.

A click of her cane was followed by the tap of a footstep. Whenever she moved, the presence behind her moved with her.

Would it be an exaggeration to say she had already grown used to that steady rhythm? For some reason, the thought amused her. She gave a faint, breathy chuckle and continued thinking.

The holy knight who had introduced himself as Bera was a man of very few words.

One might have called it knightly, or befitting a clergyman, but Renée thought his manner was a little different from either.

Perhaps this man named Bera was simply bad at expressing himself.

That was the thought that had occurred to her.

Renée recalled their conversation the day before. The way his answer had brimmed with emotion when she asked why he had become a holy knight. The way he had spoken with a certain burning feeling—something she might call longing.

What had made him that way? What did a sword that protected mean to this holy knight named Bera? What did that light mean to him? What could it mean to fill him with such burning passion?

As these thoughts arose, the footsteps continued behind her. Without realizing it, Renée spoke.

"What is the Holy Empire like?"

She had not even been aware she was voicing the question.

Only after saying it did she realize what she had done. For a moment, she felt she had made a mistake, but then she thought that, since she had already asked, there could be no harm in hearing the answer. She waited for Bera to reply.

His answer came after she had taken about three more steps.

"... It is no different from anywhere else."

His voice was low.

Renée stopped walking and turned her head toward it. Turning toward someone's voice was a habit of hers, a way of showing that she was listening closely.

"... Is that so?"

"Yes. There are people, houses, and communities formed by the two."

"Hmm, isn't there anything distinctive about it? Something you can only find there?"

Silence followed her question.

Had she asked the wrong thing? Was it a difficult question for him?

Renée was beginning to feel awkward over these needless worries when Bera finally answered.

"... As for the people, I believe eccentrics would be the right word."

"Eccentrics?"

"Yes. Some of them think in ways that fall outside the ordinary."

Renée tilted her head at his explanation.

"What sort of people are they?"

"... People you would gain nothing from knowing more about."

His words sounded almost firm.

Taken alone, they could have suggested that he bore those people ill will, but Renée could tell there was no negative feeling behind them.

'He doesn't seem to dislike them.'

Bera would have recoiled in horror had he heard that thought, but Renée had no way of knowing that.

"Hmm... Now you've made me even more curious."

"... They are not ill-intentioned, but even so, I believe it would be fair to say there is no need to go out of your way to grow close to them."

That was quite a scathing remark.

Weren't they clergymen, after all? Pilgrims who devoted their lives to the gods? What sort of people could they be to make him say such things?

Bera was saying all this because he hoped Renée would keep her distance from them. But wasn't that the way of the world? Reality never went exactly as one wished.

Renée was beginning to grow curious about these people he called eccentrics.

"I see. What else?"

"... Every building in the Holy Empire is white."

At his words, Renée struggled to suppress a smile. There had been a faint trace of irritation in his tone.

Did he dislike white? As she wondered, Bera continued.

"I believe the people who built the Holy Empire must have been mor—must have thought differently from everyone else."

Ah, he had lost his temper for a moment.

Hearing Bera force back a curse and carry on, Renée felt another laugh threatening to escape. Then she spoke, a little mischief stirred by this rare display of emotion.

"You don't like white, then?"

As she said it, Renée toyed with her hair.

His answer came at once.

"Not at all. Not at all."

"I do not dislike white. I merely believe there should be moderation in all things, and so I do not care for excess. White... is certainly not something I dislike."

His embarrassment was palpable as the words spilled out. He even repeated himself for emphasis.

There was a rustling sound as he spoke, too, and Renée could only think that this man named Bera really had no knack for handling such things.

"I'm only teasing."

Having answered with a small smile, Renée thought about why Bera treated her with such deference.

... It was probably because of the sacred mark bestowed upon her.

However much she pretended not to know, wasn't it obvious? She had not the slightest connection to the Holy Empire. Surely he had come looking for her and kept following her because they had some way of knowing she had received a sacred mark.

He must be treating her so respectfully because he was certain she bore one.

At that thought, Renée suddenly felt something close up inside her.

She had not wanted to think about it, yet she had gone and recalled the sacred mark again.

Feeling those clinging emotions rise within her, she moved her cane once more to shake off her thoughts.

CLICK.

Once again, the tap of a footstep followed.

* * *

Having something taken from you was not the sort of thing anyone could call good, even in jest.

All the more so if that loss sent your entire life plunging into an abyss.

Renée woke to warmth settling over her whole body.

She did not know whether that warmth came from sunlight or whether a fire was actually burning nearby. Since she could not see, she had no way of knowing.

All she could do was judge by the peaceful atmosphere around her and assume that, since nothing was wrong, it must be sunlight.

... Whenever she realized that she could perceive the world only through the sounds she heard and the sensations she felt, so many emotions seethed within her.

The past was tormenting her again.

The light that had suddenly been taken from her one day. How she had become unable to take even a single proper step.

She remembered her past self, forced from that moment onward to live her life struggling through a long darkness.

The misery of having to fit the scenery she remembered to wherever she was just to make sense of her surroundings, and the fear that she might have to keep living that way, swallowed her heart.

Renée was always afraid.

She feared the world she could not see, and she feared a future in which she would have to live like this forever.

And so she had prayed.

Not a day had passed without a prayer. Not a single day had passed without that wish.

Every day, every moment, she had prayed for her light to return. She had begged them to save her, pitiful as she was.

She had believed the gods could do that much for her.

... And then there had been a moment when she thought those prayers had reached them.

The seven days and nights of the midnight sun.

The Supreme God's divine powers and divine energy.

Though she could not see, Renée had felt them unmistakably. She had never experienced anything like them before, but the moment they began coursing through her body, she understood exactly what they were. It would be more accurate to say the knowledge had come naturally.

Hope had swelled within her. Joy had filled her.

Ah, at last, her prayers had reached the heavens.

Overwhelmed by that feeling, Renée had wept and prayed on the day she first felt divine energy.

Please, give me back my light. Give me back those radiant moments.

Clumsily drawing out every bit of divine energy she could not even properly control, she had made that wish.

As her divine energy ran dry, she had struggled for breath. Her head had felt as though it were burning as she manifested divine powers she barely knew how to use.

Yet even then, she could not stop.

Thinking of the light that would return, of how she would finally be able to run again, she had never even considered stopping.

And so she had wrung out every last drop of what dwelled within her and made her wish, but...

Nothing changed.

No matter how much divine energy she drew out or how she manifested her divine powers, the light did not return.

The world was still dark, and Renée was still a blind girl who could not take a single step without her cane.

In an instant, hope changed its face and took the shape of despair.

That despair brought Renée a grief that tore at her from within.

Only then did she first understand how wretched it could make someone to watch hope crumble right before them. Only then did she first understand how deeply resentment could take root.

From that day onward, Renée no longer believed in the gods. Nor did she pray.

The gods had made her this miserable. The world had made her this miserable. Resentment was all she had left to give them in return.

To Renée, a god was a vile creature dangling bread before someone collapsing and dying of hunger. An utterly vile creature that mocked her sorrow and cackled at her.

And so she had resolved never to seek the gods again. Whatever they wanted, she would never follow them.

"Ah..."

A sigh suddenly escaped Renée's lips.

The thoughts that had come to her as soon as she opened her eyes sent her emotions careening in every direction. Feeling them churn through her, she squeezed her eyes shut and shook them off.

She had decided not to think about it, to ignore it completely. She would not give it even the smallest scrap of emotion.

Her hand groped for her cane.

With her mind in such turmoil, she felt she ought to get some fresh air.

She found her cane, rose, draped a shawl over herself, and opened the door.

"... Are you awake?"

She heard the voice she had grown accustomed to over the past few days.

The holy knight from the Holy Empire. A servant of the gods she loathed so much.

And yet, a strange man whom she could not bring herself to hate as a person.

Renée turned her head toward his voice and greeted him.

"Good morning."

"Good morning. Did you sleep peacefully?"

"Yes. And you, Sir Knight?"

"Well enough."

Renée gave a soft laugh at his answer, then asked another question.

"Will you be following me again today?"

"... My apologies."

What was he so apologetic about? Renée chuckled for a moment at Bera, who was once again parroting his apologies, then set her cane to the ground.

The pleasantly warm weather warmed her body. The cool breeze made her feel as though all the negativity inside her was being washed away.

She let out a small breath, then felt a faint guilt arise at the sound of footsteps following her.

This awkward holy knight had spent the past few days doing nothing but following her so that he could take her to the Holy Empire. As soon as he learned she disliked it, he had never brought up the subject again.

She could not help feeling sorry toward him, and that feeling filled her with guilt.

For a moment, she lightly bit her lip at the emotion, then gathered herself and composed her expression.

'... I'm sorry, but... '

However she thought about it, she did not want to become a servant of the gods.